Changes

I have come to the realization that I'm no longer cool.

To be 100% truthful, I've come to the realization that I've never been cool. I've been doing a damn fine job of lying to myself for quite some time. Denial is fun, fun, fun!

Anyway, a combination of factors have contributed to a recent change in my diet:

• Cynical Dad Day will be no fun this year as I'm one day from turning 40.
  
  
• They took my sports radio away.
  
  
• I recently completed an 800-mile trip in a car borrowed from my father-in-law (long story) where the only disc in the glovebox was an Elvis Gospel CD.

Somewhere in the mountains of Virginia, a song came on the radio. Normally, I would've immediately changed the channel. But the pickings were slim, so I listened to the song. Really listened to it, for the very first time.

It was Lady Gaga's Paparazzi.

I listened.

And I liked it.

I became a Lady Gaga fan. Not just Lady GaGa, either. As the trip wore on, I found more Top 40 songs that I liked. But GaGa stuck with me. When I got home, I downloaded the album. Watched and enjoyed her performance with Elton John at the Grammys. Watched some of her music videos.

And I came to the following conclusion: Lady GaGa is the last rock star on the planet.

Don't get me wrong. Despite my newfound love of Top 40, there are still plenty of songs I won't listen to. Taylor Swift still sucks. So does that lameass Fireflies song.

And if you refer to the police as po-po, I'm switching the channel.

The Cynical Dad Super Bowl Ad Spectacular

These are my Top 6 ads from Super Bowl XLIV:

6. CareerBuilder.com

I actually saw this commercial a few days ago, so I don't know if it should count as an "official" Super Bowl commercial. But it was too funny to leave off the list.

5. Monster.com

Anything that makes me think of Emmet Otter's Jug-Band Christmas is aces in my book.

4. kgb

Sumo wrestler!

3. Doritos

No commercial made me laugh harder this one.

2. Audi

Audi's ad for their green car was a hilarious (and scary) look at environmentalists (how long do you this we are from this actually happening?). Bonus: they reworked a Cheap Trick song!

1. Snickers

"That's not what your girlfriend says." HA! As always, Betty White was hilarious. I just wish Abe Vigoda had more of a role in the commercial.

And for the 214th year in the row, the absolute worst commercial involved the stupid Budweiser Clydesdale horses. Have I mentioned how much I hate them? Oh yes. I have.

I would love to see Miller run a variation of the following ad. And if anyone from Miller is reading, you can take this idea FOR FREE.

INT. BARN - DAY
Young Cowboy is petting a sick Clydesdale horse. An older cowboy walks behind him to comfort him.

OLD COWBOY
Sorry, Slim.                                        

YOUNG COWBOY
(sadly)
But Bud's always been my favorite.                  

OLD COWBOY
I know. But sometimes you've got to do              
what's right.                                       

INT. COUNTRY HOUSE - DAY
A loud GUNSHOT rings out in the distance. Young Cowboy puts his head down on the kitchen table. Old Cowboy enters, opens the refrigerator, and pulls out a Miller High Life.

OLD COWOBY
(hands beer to Young Cowboy)
Here, boy. Have a real beer.                        

Beating Bill Simmons 2009: Super Bowl

I'll keep this short and sweet. I didn't do nearly as well as I have in the past with my postseason picks. Hell, there's a chance I'll finish below .500 for the first time in my three years of picks. But for the second year in a row, I'll beat Simmons.

So there.

So here's my pick for Super Bowl XLIV (Bill's pick in red):

Colts (-4.5) over Saints
There is NO WAY the Saints will come close to winning this game. Petyon Manning is just TOO good. Indianapolis will win by at least 10. It's been seven years since we've seen a good ass-beating in the Super Bowl (Bucs over Raiders). I think we'll see another on Sunday.

Playoffs

Me: 5-5
Simmons: 4-6

Let's Talk About Sexy

Guess where I am today? I'm part of the Mominatrix's Valentine's Day Gift Guide!

Actually, that sentence makes it sound like you can purchase me as a Valentine's Day gift.

You can't.

Sorry, folks.

Anyway, she asked a bunch of us dads what we found sexy.

Curious?