The Pedophile And The Axe Murderer

One day each week, Zoey and I have a Mindless Entertainment Day while her brother attends summer camp. We usually see one of the cheap summer movies, hit the mall or Target, ride bikes in the park, and hit a fast food restaurant that has an indoor play place.

Cheap and unhealthy summer fun.

The best kind.

Last week, we went to Burger King (the same one where I ran into the aliens). While Zoey was playing on the playground, I was reading. Despite the fact that I was deeply engrossed in my book, I could feel his presence.

I looked up and noticed that a childless man had sat down at one of the tables in the playground area.

I could tell you that I'm not one to judge, but when people start telling you crap like that, it means they're getting ready to judge, so let's not play games here. I do judge, especially when it comes to people my children come into contact with. It is my job to keep them out of harm's way.

So I watched this man for a few minutes. He was watching the kids play while eating his lunch. I started getting an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. But then I started rationalizing why he might be in the children's area.

Maybe there was nowhere to sit in the dining area? No, there were plenty of booths and tables open.

Maybe he was meeting his family there? I nixed this possibility because if he was meeting his family, he would have waited to order his food. Plus, he wasn't wearing a wedding ring.

So I watched him watch the children for about thirty more seconds before I rose from my seat, my uneasiness replaced with a mixture of anger and fear. I wanted to go up to the guy and ask him what the hell he was doing in there. Instead, I just yelled up the slide, "Zoey, it's time to leave."

When she wasn't down in 2.3 seconds, I screamed, "ZOEY! IT'S TIME TO LEAVE!"

She flew down the slide, gave me a what the hell? look, and put her shoes on. I glared at the guy as we left the playground.

Maybe I misjudged this guy. But when I see someone without kids in an area designed for kids, my Creep Alarm goes off.

But before we left the restaurant, Zoey said she had to go to the restroom. Even though I wanted to get as far away from that guy as I could, we went into the men's restroom.

And that's where I met The Axe Murderer.

Sorry, but if you want the second part of the story, you need to click over to read my latest column at The Imperfect Parent.