The Rockstar And Me

My wife just returned from a business trip. Want to know how our lives are different?

Top Five Locations My Wife Has Visited On A Business Trip

5. Las Vegas
4. New York
3. Los Angeles
2. Paris
1. London

Top Five Locations I Have Visited On A Business Trip

5. Chuck E. Cheese's
4. McDonald's Playland
3. Some dude's house
2. Applebee's
1. Miami

Numbers two through five were a result of my freelance web work. The company I used to work for (pre-kids) sent me to Miami for a trade show. But it pretty much sucked. I was escorted around town by a sixty-year-old salesman who lived in Miami.

Which meant I spent a lot of time at the hotel bar.

We did manage to make it down to South Beach.

Once. In broad daylight.

As a result, I have no tales of all-night coke-induced dance marathons at Miami nightclubs.

Maybe next life.

Song of the day: Jealous Again by The Black Crowes

Must Watch Now

If you only have time to watch one video today, make it this one:



I enjoyed this video entirely too much.

And if they've taken it down, click here to view Neil Patrick Harris as the Shoe Fairy.

Bust that, Feist!

I'm Married To An Eighty-Year-Old Woman

"Why do they wear those tight jeans?" Ella asked as we were watching the Jonas Brothers portion of the Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus Best of Both Worlds Concert with the kids.

"I wore tight jeans when I was their age."

"Yeah, but you thought you were Jon Bon Jovi. It's a good thing you grew out of that stage before we met."

"…"

"So why are their jeans so tight? Is it because they think they're emus?"

Emus? I thought. What the hell is she talking about?

Not a Jonas Brother

And then I realized my pop culturally ignorant wife meant emo.

I'm going to have to get her a subscription to CosmoGirl if she has any chance of conversing with our daughter in the future.

Song of the day: Connection by Elastica

[Thanks to Kate for letting me know that preteen girls no longer read Tiger Beat.]

I Have Finally Found A Use For Twitter

On Saturday night I pretended I was a DJ for an hour.

Yeah, I know. Sad, right? So be it. I had a hell of a lot of fun.

I pretended I was a DJ manning the turntables for K-BILLY's Super Sounds of the Eighties Weekend. I would name the song (it's hard to do the proper DJ banter when you're limited to 140 characters) & post a link in Twitter. If you clicked on it, it took you to a YouTube video. Once the song ended, you could refresh Twitter and find the next song waiting for you.

Hell, I even took two requests during the hour!

I miss being a DJ.

Here's the playlist for those of you who missed it:

1. Brand New Lover by Dead Or Alive
2. Friend Or Foe by Adam & The Ants
3. Overkill by Men At Work
4. Rio by Duran Duran
5. Money Changes Everything by Cyndi Lauper
6. Postcards From Paradise by Flesh For Lulu
7. Wouldn't It Be Good? by Nic Kershaw
8. Mr. Roboto by Styx
9. Never Say Never by Romeo Void
10. Come On Eileen by Dexy's Midnight Runners
11. (Keep Feeling) Fascination by The Human League
12. The One You Love by Glenn Frey
13. Hyperactive by Thomas Dolby
    

I'll definitely be doing this again in the future (maybe a different theme each time; not sure about this yet). Next time, I'll plan out the playlist in advance instead of spending the time between songs frantically thinking of songs to play and finding them on YouTube.

If you're interested in future shows, you can follow me on Twitter.

Or if you think I'm insane, you might want to un-follow me, delete my feed from your reader, and pretend you've never met me. In fact, you should all probably do that.

I need a life.

Song of the day: Overkill by Men At Work

Sibling Rivalry

Our kids are starting to compete for our affections. But they've got it easy because neither one is a celebrity.

At least not yet.

It must suck to be the brother or sister of a celebrity. No matter what you do, no matter what you become, your famous sibling gets all the press and headlines.

Top Five Celebrity Siblings I Wouldn't Want To Be

Honorable Mentions
Any Jackson not named Janet or Michael
Any Baldwin not named Alec
Any Presidential brother -- Jimmy Carter had Billy, Bill Clinton has Roger, Jeb Bush has George W., etc.

Here's the Top 5:

5. Christopher Ciccone
When you write a tell-all about your famous sister Madonna, life can't be good.

4. Brian Spears
Britney and Jamie Lynn are his sisters. And then there's his mom.

3. Kevin Farley
He can be found doing imitations of his dead brother Chris in Hertz commercials.

2. The 4th Jonas Brother
Yeah, there's a fourth Jonas brother. That pretty much explains why it sucks to be him.

1. Cooper Manning
It's bad enough his dad is Archie Manning, but the dude's brothers are Peyton and Eli, who not only have Super Bowl rings as quarterbacks of the Colts and Giants, but also have MVP awards from said Super Bowls. Think he's ever up for a touch football game at the family reunion?

Who'd I forget?

Song of the day: What About Me? by Moving Pictures

The Best Of The Rest (Surviving Your Child's Summer Vacation For Pennies A Day)

Here's the final installment of Surviving Your Child's Summer Vacation For Pennies A Day. For those of you who are new around here, it's my little experiment where I try to find fun and cheap things for my daughter and I to do this summer.

Lesson Five: The Best Of The Rest

I figured I needed to wrap this crap up before summer actually ends (posting a Surviving Your Child's Summer Vacation article in September would be really lame). So here is the final batch of cheap things you can do with your kids this summer:

• Summer movie programs
  We're lucky enough to have two theaters in our area that show children's movies on certain days of the week at a heavily discounted price. One of the theaters charges $3 (but you also get a small Coke & a small popcorn) and the other one charges $1 (sneak in your own treats!). While there's a good chance you may already own the featured movie on DVD, it gets you out of the house for a few hours and there's no substitute for the moviegoing experience.
• Summer memberships
  Some museums, zoos, children's centers, and aquariums offer summer-only memberships. Once school kicks back in, you don't have any time to visit these places anymore, so why pay the extra money?
• Bookstores
  Many bookstores have special story times during the week. We hit one that has a story, milk and cookies, a game, a freebie, and an art project. It lasts about ninety minutes and is totally worth the price of admission (FREE!). And once you're done, you can browse the shelves for interesting books to check out at the library at a later date.
• Parks
  I load my daughter's bicycle in the trunk of the car and we hit the nearby park while Zed is in school. She plays on the playground for awhile and then hits the trails with her bike. And hell, I even manage to get some exercise walking beside her.
• Vacation Bible School
  Not my cup of tea, but I figured this might interest some of you.
  

So that's it. Hope you enjoyed this and got something out of it.

Did I miss anything? If you have any ideas I'm not aware of, please let me know in the comments.

Song of the day: World Shut Your Mouth by Julian Cope

When You're Writing About Your Kids, One Can Never Have Too Many Poop Stories

We all went out for dinner the other evening. As we were getting up to leave, I noticed a piece of chocolate cake smeared across the seat of my chair. I looked at the back of my khaki shorts and found that they were smeared with chocolate cake as well.

I didn't even have chocolate cake.

So I picked up a napkin and attempted to clean my shorts. I stupidly said, "Look, Zoey! It looks like I pooped myself."

Zoey yelled, "YOU POOPED YOURSELF?"

I could feel the stares of the occupants of the surrounding tables as they tried to catch a glimpse of my ass (which admittedly, happens a lot). I sat back down and tried to figure out an escape plan.

So I poured my drink on my lap. I figured a wet crotch would be more noticeable and society wouldn't frown on piss-stained clothes as much as shit-stained garments.

See how my mind works?

But it didn't actually come to that. After picking up the glass, I noticed Zed's diaper bag on the floor. I picked it up, slung it over my shoulder, and covered the stain on my pants. I held my head high as we walked out of the restaurant.

For one night, I was ecstatic that my son is still in diapers.

GHS: 6

Song of the day: Everything She Wants by Wham!

Fat, Drunk, And Stupid Is No Way To Go Through Life, Son

The other day, I saw a sorority girl wearing a t-shirt advertising a golf tournament where the proceeds went to cancer research. The back read "Beating Cancer -- One Stroke At A Time."

Oh the double entendre!

I love sorority girls. Even when they're trying to do good, they're still a bit naughty.

Top 5 Fraternity/Sorority Movies
(Non-Porn Edition)

Yeah, I know. Not much of a segue. Delta Delta Deal with it.

Honorable Mentions
The House On Sorority Row
Hell Night
Night Of The Creeps
Fraternity Vacation
Three scary movies and an 80s sexploitation flick. Sounds like the perfect date night to me!

Onto the Top 5 (I'm leaving out descriptions because I'm assuming everyone has already seen these flicks):

5. PCU
This movie featured a very strange looking Adam Duritz Jon Favreau.

4. School Daze
Any chance you get to add a Spike Lee movie to a list, you take it.

3. Old School
"We're going streaking!" God, I love Will Ferrell. I'm a simple man with simple tastes.

2. Animal House
This movie was so great it spawned a half-assed TV show.

1. Revenge Of The Nerds
This movie was so great it spawned three half-assed sequels.

Wow. There are two Jeremy Piven movies on my list. He was in two of the movies I featured last week, too. I'm beginning to think I have a crush on him or something.

So what are your favorite non-porn fraternity/sorority movies? We'll save the porno titles for a future date.

Song of the day: Kyrie by Mr. Mister

Hell Yes!

Today is a good day.



Edited to add: I did not make this video. I just feel like singing this song today!

Hit The Books (Surviving Your Child's Summer Vacation For Pennies A Day)

Here's another installment of Surviving Your Child's Summer Vacation For Pennies A Day. For those of you who are new around here, it's my little experiment where I try to find fun and cheap things for my daughter and I to do this summer.

Lesson Four: Hit The Books

No one visits the library anymore now that you have the world inside your computer. But there is so much you and your child can enjoy at the library:

• Story times: Let someone else read to your kid for a change!
• Movies: They show kids' movies at our local library and even supply the popcorn.
• Music: Every once in awhile a musician or two will be on hand to play songs for the kids. Hey, it beats them hanging around outside and guilting you into putting a dollar in their guitar cases.
• Computer classes: Let your kid take a QuickBooks class. Someone in your house should be able to balance the checkbook.
• Internet: You should be able to get several hours of free Internet usage. Let your kid play around on Nick Jr. while you surf for porn mess around with your Facebook page.
• And of course, there are plenty of books, videos, and CDs for you and your children to take home with you.
  

And if you're really lucky, you might run across someone willing to act out your sexy librarian fantasy for you.

Or is that just me?

Warning: If you're thinking about going to the library, get there ten minutes after it opens. If you arrive too early, you'll witness people bum rushing the door to secure an open computer. It's like the Filene's Basement wedding gown sale. You could lose a limb if you're not careful.

Song of the day: Would? by Alice In Chains

How Professional Wrestling Destroyed My Dream Job

The best job I ever had was when my wife and I ran a booth at a flea market.

Ella and I were and still are yard sale rats. We pile the kids in the car on Saturday mornings and hit the road, sometimes with a MapQuested route and sometimes without. While we don't get as early of a start as we used to, we rarely come home empty-handed. Hell, the kids and I would only have underwear and socks if it weren't for yard sales (Ella's a professional so she claims she has to buy her clothes at a store, but every once in awhile even she will buy a dress or coat at a yard sale).

Back in the day, Ella and I hit the yard sales for us. We didn't need to worry about lead paint on furniture, drawers that wouldn't close, things that kids could swallow, and stuff like that. Our apartments and first home were Yard Sale Chic.

We were hardcore: we also hit auctions and flea markets. During one trip to a particular flea market, we started talking to the manager and he started telling us how much a room cost. One thing led to another and we left that day as renters of a room in a flea market.

It was a 16 X 10 space in an old grocery store but to us, it was a mansion. We put area rugs in it. We gave it a name and hung little signs all over the room. We made business cards because we could.

And we furnished it with some of the coolest stuff we could find.

The manager was a hippie who took a liking to us. While all the other dealers had to be present in order to sell things, he would open our booth on days we weren't there (the place was open Wednesday-Sunday) and sell our stuff for us. Even though we didn't need to be there, we were still there every Saturday and Sunday, hanging out and talking to the customers. It was probably the only time in my life that I was able to talk comfortably to strangers. It might have been the way we furnished it or maybe it was the college town clientele, but I just felt at home there. Most of the customers were professors, college students, or artsy-fartsy types. We always cut the college kids a deal because we knew what it was like to be young and not have much money.

After hitting the yard sales on Saturday mornings, we rushed down to the flea market to unload our new wares. Because both of us have an eye for this kind of stuff, after a month or so we had flea market groupies that were waiting for us when we got there, eager to be the first to see our new finds.

I weep when I think about how cheaply we marked our old gas signs, strange crucifixes, and other knickknacks and oddities due to the limited customer base in those pre-eBay days (or at least in the days before eBay became EBAY).

And then we found our niche.

One day we bought a particle-board bookcase at a yard sale. It was a piece of crap, so I told Ella we should paint it all funky and see what happens. We took it down to the flea market the next weekend and put it on display, unpriced. Within thirty minutes, we had someone offer us $50 for it.

Ca-ching!

We soon sought out cheap bookcases, tables, chairs, and other furniture during our yard sale trips. We would pick up a video at Blockbuster and paint all night long. We had so much fun painting, watching movies, talking, and coming up with new ideas. We painted zebra stripes, lady bug patterns, abstract crap, whatever came to mind. Sometimes we added objects to our furniture. My favorite thing we ever created was a taxi cab bookcase. We found an old sign from the top of a taxi at a yard sale, mounted it on top of a bookcase, and painted the bookcase yellow with a little checkerboard pattern down the sides.

I wish we had held onto that thing.

One day, a dentist came into our store and bought out our entire inventory of painted furniture to furnish his office (I still have trouble believing he actually put our crap in his office, but that's what he told us). We even started taking requests. People would tell us what they wanted, pay us up front, and we called them when it was ready.

Life was fun. Life was great.

But before it could turn into a full-fledged Violent Femmes tune, Ric "To be The Man, you gotta beat the man" Flair bought the property from the hippie's father and turned it into a Gold's Gym.

Woooo this, asshole.

Song of the day: Flea Market by Bracket

Songs From Movies

Music has always been a very important part of my life. I've seen hundreds of concerts. Bought ten times as many albums/tapes/CDs/mp3s. Sang in bands. Played in bands. Done the college dj thing. Nowadays, I make up silly songs for the kids.

Certain songs have special meanings for me. Some songs become personal theme songs. Some songs put me in a good mood. Some songs put me in a sad mood. Some songs take me back to a particular moment in my life. While there was no song playing during my first kiss, I can you tell you at least twenty songs that were popular that week.

Some songs take me to the movies.

TOP FIVE SONGS FROM MOVIES

I thought it would be fun to list the top five songs that, when I hear them, immediately take me to the movie scene in which they were featured.

I made two rules for myself when I did this:

1. The song had to be somewhat popular. Today's song of the day came from Some Kind Of Wonderful. I love this song and that movie, but this is not a song you can hear on the radio, so it was not considered.
2. The song could not have been recorded specifically for the movie. Most movie theme songs are memorable, so that's too easy. Hearing "I ain't afraid of no ghosts" will instantly remind you of Ghostbusters. And bad 80s fashion.
   

Honorable Mentions
Stuck In The Middle With You from Reservoir Dogs
This song would probably come in at number six.

My Way/Layla from Goodfellas
They seamlessly went from Sid Vicious to the piano part from Layla. I love this! But since it's actually two songs, I didn't put it on the list.

Purple Rain
The entire album could be on this list, especially the title track. But it didn't pass the second rule I made for myself.

Fight The Power from Do The Right Thing
This song should've won the Best Supporting Actor Oscar, it was used so much in the film. But since I couldn't tie it to a particular scene, I didn't include it on the list despite it being one of my favorite songs and one of my favorite movies.

Intentionally Omitted Because They Suck
Unchained Melody from Ghost
Yeah, this song makes me think of the stupid pottery scene. But the song sucks and the flick sucks more.

Old Time Rock And Roll from Risky Business
Great flick, but one of the worst songs of all time. And I don't want any song making me think of Tom Cruise in his underwear.

Ok. Here's the Top 5:

5. 99 Luftballons from Grosse Pointe Blank [view clip]
This scene actually opens with John Cusack's character killing the hit man to the tune of The English Beat's Mirror In The Bathroom. But then Minnie Driver's character comes in and finds what he's done. Her jaw drops and Nena starts playing. Cusack gives a small speech to Jeremy Piven as the drums kick in. And as the song speeds up, they are shown carrying the body down the steps. It's almost as if this song was written for the movie. Hell, it's in German so maybe it was.

This entire movie makes good use of the music that plays in the background.

4. Where Is My Mind? from Fight Club [view clip]
Buildings crumble over Frank Black's falsetto. Roll credits. I don't know if you could've found a better song to be the theme for this scene and the movie.

3. In Your Eyes from Say Anything [view clip]
Seriously, who doesn't think of John Cusack holding the boombox over his head when they hear this song?

2. A Quick One, While He's Away from Rushmore [view clip]
Songs are characters in Wes Anderson's movies. This flim was his crowning achievement and one of my favorite movies of all time.

1. Bohemian Rhapsody from Wayne's World [view clip]
I never said these songs conjured up good images!

I love this song but every time I hear it, I can't help thinking of Wayne and Garth headbanging. I wish I could unremember this scene.

So what songs make you think of particular movie scenes?

Song of the day: Can't Help Falling In Love by Lick The Tins

Leather

I read somewhere (or at least I think I did) that the average blog lasts about two months or so. After that time, the blogger realizes his stuff sucks and he just lets the cyberweeds take over his home.

Some of us are more stubborn.

I started this site three years ago on July 10, 2005 (I could've written 18 crappy blogs in that time instead of just one!). I sometimes feel like I write the same post over and over again: one of my kids does/says/eats something cute/strange/funny/disgusting. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Lately, though, I've been having a lot of fun with this site. I'm enjoying posting photos of weird things around my state, sharing my secrets of frugal living, and stuff like that. While I'm not purposely moving this site in a different direction, it certainly looks that way. But I'm not going to stop writing about my kids. They're still going to do/say/eat something cute/strange/funny/disgusting that I will want to share. I'm just going to write about it in a way that feels less hackneyed. At least to me.

Yeah, I should be celebrating my site on its third anniversary. Instead, I'm trashing it. I'm the guy who brings up ex-girlfriends in wedding toasts.

I really would like to thank all you guys for taking the time out of your busy days to read my stuff, comment, follow me on Twitter, send me racy pictures of yourselves, and email me. I really find it hard to believe that people want to read my words. Thanks, guys.

P.S. I'd like to share one of my favorite songs today. I think this is a beautiful song and this version almost has a Disneyesque quality, even though it was performed by a total megalomaniac.

Song of the day: You Need Hands by Malcolm McLaren

Please Excuse 12-Year-Old Chag's Deafening Laughter

Two things you definitely don't want to mix:



But you know what frightens me most about this sign?

Etc.

Etc.? The mind boggles. What could Etc. be referring to?

Bullets? Porn? Scarecrows? Pottery? Knives? Tampons? Bacon?

Unfortunately, they are no longer in business, so I will never know what Etc. meant.

I probably should have waited to post this while all the ladies were at BlogHer.

Oh well.

Song of the day: Let's Dance To Joy Division by The Wombats

Try It Before You Don't Buy It (Surviving Your Child's Summer Vacation For Pennies A Day)

Here's another installment of Surviving Your Child's Summer Vacation For Pennies A Day. It's my little experiment where I try to find fun and cheap things for my daughter and I to do this summer.

Since some of you thought I was stealing from Chuck E. Cheese's in my last post, I'm sure you'll find this one equally unethical. Get over yourself.

Lesson Three: Try It Before You Don't Buy It

Every children's gym class, art class, karate class, taekwondo class, music class, dance class, and everyothertypeofclass offers a free trial class. It doesn't matter if you have no intention of enrolling your child in the class. They don't know that. Take them up on their offer! You're either a fool or someone that doesn't believe in coupons if you don't make this system work for you.

Seriously, if you live in a medium-sized city, you can burn through two weeks by visiting a different trial class every day.

Song of the day: Fuck And Run by Liz Phair

I Will No Longer Be Ignored

For the past few months, I have been trying to get politicians interested in a few of my pet projects. It's not like I'm trying to get them to erect a statue of me in front of the capitol building or anything like that (I have no doubt that will happen one day, probably after I'm dead); my special interests will benefit a lot of people.

In short, I've become a lobbyist.

In my brief adventures with the political machine, I've learned that politicians aren't the easiest people to get ahold of. A State Senator has what? 100,000 to 200,000 constituents or something? What percentage of these constituents tries to contact the Senator on a daily basis? I would imagine very few voters write or email their representatives. So by my logic, given the low volume, I would assume that representatives would routinely answer their constituents' missives. WRONG!

Some don't answer emails or letters or return phone calls or come to luncheons you help arrange. I am so sick of being ignored.

Because of this, I am seriously considering running for State Senator next year.

Seriously. I want change. I'm tired of sitting on the sidelines and having my screams fall on deaf ears. If you can't join 'em, beat 'em.

Besides, every race has to have some crackpot on the ballot. Consider me the Token Perot or the Token Nader.

Unfortunately, I'm not a former lawyer, educator, or banker (I think 95% of all politicians had one of these occupations in their private lives). I'm also not well-connected and do not have much money for a campaign. So how will I generate some buzz for my campaign?

First of all, I'm going to need to create an extremely stupid and viral YouTube video. I'm thinking something with monkeys and puppets. We'll all sing The Rainbow Connection or maybe some Neil Diamond. I'll light my hair on fire at the end if necessary. I'm still ironing out the details on my video.

People will see me around town and say, "Hey! You're that YouTube guy with the monkeys, right? Singing the Kermit the Frog song?" And I'll reply, "Yes. That's me. I'm running for State Senator and I would appreciate your vote."

But only so many people watch YouTube, so I'll need other inexpensive ways to get my face out there (because you can't really call press conferences when you're a nobody, can you?). I will attend poetry slams and open mic nights and recite/sing my platform to the people. Eventually, the local alternative weekly rag will embrace me. Soon after that, the local conservative weekly rag will denounce me. And then victory will be mine.

In the meantime, I need to find a place to put all these damn skeletons. I also need to work on my people skills and develop a personality. Can you get that on eBay?

Song of the day: Come Sail Away by Styx

Holiday

I'd like to wish everyone a happy and safe Fourth of July weekend. Please do not blow off an appendage or make out with someone else's wife or husband at the neighborhood BBQ. And for those of you who don't celebrate the Fourth, have a great weekend.

Now for the fireworks!



[Note to self: You need photography lessons. Or at the very least, you should try reading the damn manual. All your firework photos look like sperm.]

Song of the day: I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How To Dance With You by Black Kids

The Lost Summer

I've seen many reports of drive-offs at gas stations in the news lately. That never would've happened on my watch. If someone drove off without paying, it came out of your paycheck. Do you think I was going to let someone drive off with part of my paycheck?

I would scan the parking lot, searching for people who appeared suspicious. If I spotted someone spazzing out and acting all nervous, I would take the shotgun off the wall.

I only had to use it once. Late one night, I saw a guy get in his car without paying for the gas. I ran outside, pumped the shotgun, and fired it in the air. He immediately got out of the car and said, "Oops. I forgot to pay."

Ok. That was just a fantasy that would run through my head every night at work. Only there was no shotgun behind the counter; if I had wanted to stop a crook, I would've had to pull a Brad Hamilton and throw coffee in his face.

I worked at a quickie mart one summer during college. I worked second shift three days a week and third shift two days a week. I also took Calculus III that summer. Between the ever-changing sleep schedule and the math class, I'm sure I lost more than a few brain cells that summer.

My boss, a grizzled ex-Harley dude who had done time for murder over a drug deal gone awry, took a liking to me. He told me several times over that summer, "My son is a loser. I wish you were my son."

Having a convicted murderer wanting to adopt you really tells you a lot about your station in life.

But for a loner like myself, this was the ideal job. There were no other employees in the store while I worked! The second shift was actually enjoyable. I would go in at three and get off at eleven, which left plenty of time to go do something that night.

But the third shift?

"This job would be great if it wasn't for the fucking customers" - Clerks

While there were some enjoyable parts of working the third shift, like watching the drunks stumble in after a night out on the town, locking the doors for an hour and blasting the radio while I stocked the coolers and mopped the floors, and blocks of free time when I could be alone with the pornographic magazines behind the counter my thoughts, there was a certain breed of customer that came in during the third shift that you had to stay clear of.

Never make eye contact. Never ask a question. Never give more than a "Yes" or "No" answer.

Never befriend an insomniac. Because that son of a bitch would return night after night, wanting to start a conversation while you're trapped behind the counter. No exit. No escape.

I was too concerned with dodging insomniacs to worry about robbers and stuff like that (other than the drive-offs). My mother did enough worrying for the both of us.

But nothing ever happened. The closest I ever came to any kind of sketchy activity was a guy taking a crowbar to another guy's head beside Pump #4.

Sometimes I miss that place.

Song of the day: Eaten By The Monster Of Love by Sparks

And We're Back

I had planned on sharing fun-filled stories of our adventures in Myrtle Beach. I was going to show you all pictures of some of the crazy things you can find in Myrtle Beach.

But you know that old saw about making God laugh? Yeah.

Not counting the time spent at Black Hockey Jesus's pad, I think we spent a total of seventy-three minutes outside our condo. Sadly, our week revolved around lots of vomiting and even a nose bleed or two.

In my teens and twenties, a night at Myrtle Beach ending in vomiting and a nose bleed would have been considered a major success. Not now. Apparently the lust for blood and vomit fades over the years.

Anyway, just wanted to say hello to you guys and once again say thanks to Motherbumper, Dave, Marla, and Black Hockey Jesus for doing such an amazing job while filling in for me during our "vacation." Thanks again, guys! I hope everyone enjoyed your posts as much as I did!

Song of the day: Love Me Dead by Ludo