Despite the fact that I had only seen one Oscar-nominated flick this year (Juno), I decided to blog the Oscars on Sunday night. Thankfully, I wasn't alone. Motherbumper dropped by and covered the red carpet (not my bag) and helped with the ceremony, too!
MB: Yo, it's motherbumper and I'm camped in front of the boob tube with my bucket of chicken and laptop (really, what more does a girl need). I don't try to fool myself and think I could ever look like those Hollywood folk so why not enjoy myself with some grease and couch potatoing (is that a verb? if not, it really should be). Chag doesn't do red carpet stuff.. which is funny considering I usually do red carpet only. What can I say? I'm totally superficial when it comes to award shows.
Oh running out of time, - must find wet wipes to keep grease off keyboard.
MB: Okay, I'm watching some pre-stuff and apparently no one has shown up yet. I'm salivating at the thought of Paris showing up and getting thrown out of the ceremony. She apparently has been banned. Right now, it's all media interviewing media, talking all about years past, and having the Juno vs Atonement Best Picture debate.
I will not hide the fact that the only movies I've seen from this year nominee list are Eastern Promises, Ratatouille, and Surf's Up. Now that's just plain sad.
MB: ohhhhh aerial coverage on ABC is care of the Good Year Blimp. How archaically poetic in this day of technology.
MB: They are saying it's cold so let's prepare for HIGHBEAMS folks! (I never claimed to be mature).
MB: Galliano red dress worn by Heidi Klum - media jumps on fact that she isn't wearing Michael Kors. Is that considered a fashion faux pas? Her bag doesn't match the dress. That's as catty as I'll get with her. Seal looks dapper. They look like they might go for a quickie in the coat closet before the show. They're like that.
MB: Dude with mike (didn't catch name) said because of the strike there was only 10 days to write jokes for Oscars. Apparently it usually takes seven months. Yikes! that's pressure for Jon Stewart.
MB: George Clooney is there and lone behold, he's wearing a suit. It looks ironed so I'll say he put together a successful ensemble. Good lord, the people are going nuts. To me, he will always be George Burnett from the Facts of Life. Yes, I faithfully watched FoL... everyone has their vices.
MB: Tom Wilkinson looks like my Dad. He looks relaxed and seems to be giving the interviewers a look of "wow, I can't believe you are asking me these silly questions". That's my Dad (Editor note: Tom Wilkinson is not my Dad).
MB: Amy Ryan - love LOVE the colour of the dress, like the shoulder, but not sure about that belt. My goodness, those earrings are incredibly swingy. They look like they would hurt if they were say, I don't know: embedded in your back because they were hurled across the carpet from too much head shaking. Oh god, please stop shaking your head, Amy!
MB: George Clooney's date is wearing a very ummmm 80's dress. I think dress was at my prom in 1987. I'm not sure how I feel about that.
MB: That film critic Richard Roeper is covering the red carpet on ABC and he just said that Atonement didn't deserve a nomination. That's pretty funny and kinda ballsy. I didn't see that movie but mostly because it looked too boring. I've been known to be wrong about these things.
MB: Oh I wanted to see American Gangster. So many people are wearing red - it's crazy. My favorite so far is Ruby Dee (American Gangster).
MB: Who is that in the leopard print dress? I have to see it full length - that is one crazy looking dress. Is that Diablo Cody? DAMN she looks good.
MB: Amy Adams looks nice in green but my god! could that have any more seams? Daniel Day-Lewis - love the brown piping, kinda gives it a lawrence-welk appeal. Only he could carry that off. Jennifer Garner looks freakin' spectacular. I don't care if she is wearing "boring" black, she rocks.
MB: Amy Adams purse is to die for. Miley Cyrus is keeping the red theme going strong. Why is she at the Oscars? Is this to pull in the tween demographic?
MB: Laura Linney looks poured into her dress - in a good way. OMG I love that leopard print on Diablo Cody - skull and cross earrings - oh break my heart - I have a couple of new girl crushes.
MB: Sean P-Diddy Puff-Daddy Combs (SpdPdC? ) is wearing a bow-tie. Now that's what my Dad would be wearing. (Editor's Note: SpdPdC is not my Dad).
MB: Saoirse Ronan is so cute. I want to adopt her. Oh lordy, who is wearing the fish dress - or is that a mermaid? OH MY HOLY Jessica Alba is rocking her bump. Too bad about the dead bird on the neckline.
MB: I'm totally taking back the Jennifer Garner comment - I just saw it full length and it reminds me of a something that was pulled over a toilet paper roll in my childhood neighbour's black and white bordello inspired bathroom.
MB: So that Mermaid dress is on Marion Cotillard (La Vie en Rose) and it's Jean Paul Gauthier. That makes sense. But I've never really liked the idea of mermaid dresses ever since that episode of 90210 when Donna wore the mermaid costume to that frat Halloween party and almost got taken advantage of because of a wardrobe malfunction. Yup, mermaid dresses are almost always bad news.
MB: Viggo is breaking my heart. Is that his daughter? Big sigh. He looks like he just walked out of a funeral in a western but he's rockin' that lapel rose. I loved Eastern Promises but I'm a sucker for the Cronenburg/Mortenson combo. It's his niece. That makes him the coolest uncle ever.
CD: Do the ladies still get all hot and bothered for Patrick Dempsey? Or has his time past?
MB: Past. Mark my word: past. Oh god, spare me, Regis is here.
CD: I think either Regis or Ryan Seacrest has to show up for every one of these things. It's a law or something.
CD: John Travolta looks like Eddie Munster to me.
MB: New crush: Javiar Bardem. He's so Steve McQueen. I have a confession: this is the first time I've heard Miley Speak - her voice is deep. Are you sure she's 15 and not a 35 well preserved smoker?
CD: I was just telling Ella I think Miley's voice is deeper than mine.
MB: I demand proof of her age. Mickey Rooney is there? (he's still alive?)
CD: We'll find out for sure when they do their People Who Died montage.
MB: PriceWaterCooper is in the house! (sorry, I used to work for them). I'm legally obligated to do that.
CD: Thank God for teen pregnancy!
CD: Stewart's jokes would probably be much funnier if I had actually seen some of these movies.
CD: That Across The Universe costume looked like something from Yo Gabba Gabba.
CD: She's a costume designer? Couldn't she have designed a better dress for herself?
CD: Nicely done, Diet Coke! We need more zombies in commercials.
CD: Final score: Carolina 89 Wake Forest 73.
CD: The Oscars would be a lot shorter if it weren't for all these damn montages. Twenty minutes in and they've given out one award.
CD: @Darren: I have no idea what Persepolis is. But I know there's no damn way my daughter would "read" an animated movie.
CD: Was Katherine Heigl nervous or what?
CD: I'm sure the people behind the Oscars are glad the voters didn't give the award to Norbit.
CD: That song got nominated but they couldn't throw a bone to Kimya Dawson?
CD: Every time I see Amy Adams, all I can picture is her character from Drop Dead Gorgeous.
CD: @Mandy: I'm ashamed to admit this, but I actually kind of wanted to see Enchanted.
CD: Why is The Rock here?
Ella: (while looking at The Rock) He looks like he could be the Oscar.
CD: Whit is posting Oscar pics over at Famecrawler.
CD: @Cher: According to IMDB, Jeffrey Dean Morgan played the role of Denny Duquette on Grey's Anatomy (my wife thought the same thing you did).
CD: I'm rooting for Casey. I've always thought he was the more talented Affleck.
CD: And Jeffrey Dean Morgan Javier Bardem wins the Best Supporting Actor award.
CD: Pee Wee!
CD: Raise It Up didn't do it for me either, but that little girl has some pipes!
CD: Wes Anderson needs to let Owen Wilson start co-writing his screenplays again.
CD: First, a montage on periscopes and binoculars. Then a montage on startled awakenings. Now, a montage on bee stings. The hell?
MB: The strike is really showing it's impact. I'd believe this ceremony was put together by the event committee at Dunder-Mifflin. And holy stumbling announcers.
CD: Motherbumper... shhh! Jessica Alba's on!
MB: Dude, she's giving the recap of the nerdy AV awards. OK the Jack and pregnant people in attendance was the best joke so far.
CD: What? She was talking?
CD: I love the Coen brothers. I need to see this movie. Glad to see they won the Adapted screenplay Oscar.
MB: Miley Cyrus? How the heck does she get to present? What has she done of significance? And I think that's the first time she has ever said the word "culture".
CD: I don't know how they choose the presenters. I'm still aghast over The Rock.
CD: Whit was right. That's How You Know was better than the first Enchanted song. But not by much.
CD: The baby goes to... By far the funniest joke of the evening!
CD: The writers wasted Seth Rogen and Jonah Hill. Pity.
MB: I like the way Forest Whitaker says "Blanchette". Rawr.
CD: I like Laura Linney. I'd like to see her win. Or Ellen Page.
CD: Show of hands, please. Who has actually seen La Vie en Rose? That's what I thought.
MB: OMG I had that dress for dinner the other night. Served with a some dill in a cream sauce. It was delish.
CD: Even Jon Stewart is bored. He's playing Wii.
CD: @Mandy: Thanks for proving me wrong!
CD: @Darren: Me, too. I was always an arthouse regular. Not anymore.
CD: Falling Slowly was by far the best song of the night thus far. Great tune!
CD: After seeing some of the past Best Picture winners, do you think the Oscars ever wish they could have a do-over?
CD: I enjoyed the piece on Robert Boyle. I hope I look that good and can speak that well when I'm 98.
CD: Like I'm really going to live to be 98.
CD: @Whit: I would like to see them let EVERYONE talk. Unless you start thanking your mother's gardener and your old babysitter or something like that.
CD: Penelope Cruz just doesn't do it for me. Am I alone?
CD: After hearing those three Enchanted songs, I don't want to see that movie anymore. Definitely rooting for Falling Slowly.
CD: I'm glad Falling Slowly won, too.
CD: Thanks to Whit, I'm now a Penelope Cruz fan (every male should check out the link he left in the comments).
CD: It was nice that they let Marketa Irglova back on stage to say her thanks. They must be running ahead of schedule.
CD: Someone needed to write out Cameron Diaz's lines phonetically on the teleprompter.
CD: Time for the People Who Died montage!
CD: I always hate this part where some dead celebrities get more applause than others. They should mute the audience during this portion.
CD: @Bagger's carpet boy: I haven't seen Youth Without Youth. And yeah, I'm pretty disappointed with Stewart tonight.
CD: "Auto mechanic by day, hero by night" sounds like the next summer CGI blockbuster.
CD: I'd like to see Michael Moore win just so he can get up there and rant for a bit.
CD: Feel free to throw me a line in the comments, people. We've reached the dull portion of the Oscars.
CD: @Mandy: Is Shake Hands With The Devil a documentary? According to IMDB (which can be wrong), it looks like a movie based on a book.
CD: Come on, Diablo Cody!
CD: Yes! You gotta love the former stripper wins Oscar storyline. Wonder how long till Hollywood turns that into a movie?
CD: This just shows Juno won't win Best Picture. They always give the screenplay nod to the movies I like and then snub them for best pictures. See: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Almost Famous, Fargo, The Usual Suspects, Sideways, Little Miss Sunshine, etc.
CD: Will Johnny Depp ever win an Oscar? Or will he be collecting an honorary one years down the road?
CD: Yeah for the Coen brothers! I love all their movies, but just haven't gotten a chance to catch this one yet.
CD: And a Best Picture win for the Coen brothers as well! Definitely have to check this flick out soon.
So there you have it. I'm done. Going to bed.
I'd like to thank Motherbumper for helping me out on the ride. I'd like to thank everyone who came out and commented during my live blogging. I'd like to thank everyone who dropped by. I couldn't have done it without you guys! I'd like to thank my wife, Ella, for putting the kids to bed tonight so I could do this. I'd like to thank--
[cue the "get the hell off the stage" music]
Song of the day: Milkshake by Kelis
