Stuff Only I Care About LII

Weekly Random Thoughts on the Yankees

The Yankees went 4-3 this week, bringing their record to 93-68. You might remember the Yankees. They're the team that everyone wrote off and left for dead back in June. And in July. And in August.

And now they're the AL Wild Card team.

And the hottest team in the majors.

Bring it, Cleveland.

Weekly Random Thoughts On The Carolina Panthers

The Panthers defeated the Falcons, 27-20. They are tied for first place in the NFC South with Tampa Bay.

This week, Tampa Bay rolls into town. The Panthers suck at home. Delhomme may be watching the game from the sidelines. The Panthers made Joey Harrington look like an NFL quarterback last weekend. The Bucs have won their past two games by a 55-17 margin. So why am I predicting a 16-10 Panthers victory?

DVR Update

Dexter returns Sunday night. Friday Night Lights returns Friday night.

Sunday Morning Hangover

Here are some of the more interesting/entertaining posts I've come across this week:

• Anne learns her son has a cut on his penis.
• Dave creates a new Strawberry Shortcake character.
• Kelley imagines new Halloween costumes for Moms.
• Mamatulip explains The Sleep Fairy.
• Matthew has a budding photographer on his hands.
• Rockstar Mommy learns Dora will steal your soul.
• Sarah designs a beer cardio program.
• Steve discovers who killed Princess Diana.

Song of the day: Roll On by The Living End

Nepotism

As I was watching Zoey do her homework:

Zoey: I have a list of books I want to buy at the Book Fair.
Me: I know. I saw it in your backpack.
Zoey: When are we going?
Me: Tonight. Guess what? Someone you know is selling books at the Book Fair.
Zoey: Who?
Me: Guess.
Zoey: Granny? I have no idea why she thought her grandmother, who lives two hours away, would be working the Fair.
Me: No.
Zoey: My teacher?
Me: No.
Zoey: Who?
Me: Daddy.
Zoey: Why are you going to be at the Book Fair? She said this with as much disdain in her voice as the thirteen-year-old Zoey will use when I tell her I'm chaperoning her school dance.
Me: Because I'm helping out your school.
Zoey: Oh. Will you give me books for free?

***

After Ella brought the kids by the book fair tonight, she was stupid brave enough to take them to an introductory Daisy Scout meeting. And yes, Zoey came home a Daisy Scout.

But wait! It gets better: Ella came home a Daisy Scout Troop Leader.

Ha! Dumbass.

Ladies and gentlemen, we have become Mr. and Mrs. Suburbia.

Gag.

Song of the day: Sexx Laws by Beck

Why I Could Never Run Away, Join The Circus, And Become A Contortionist

Zoey had her five-year checkup yesterday afternoon. We went through the normal drill: weight, height, eye exam, and all that jazz. Then the nurse threw us a curve ball: she needed a urine sample from Zoey. She told me to have Zoey sit on the toilet backwards while I held the cup beneath her.

Want to know how it played out? I stood Zed next to the toilet and pinned him against the wall with my knee. I used one hand to support Zoey and held the cup with the other hand. We were in and out in sixty seconds.

Ok. That's how it happened in my head. Want to know how it really played out?

I freaked out because I have a tendency to freak out in situations such as these. Zoey freaked out because her legs were too short to straddle the toilet backwards. She started squirming around and developed a case of "stage fright," probably feeding off of my stress.

The cup ended up in the toilet.

And where was Zed during all of this?

Playing in the urinal.

Fun day!

GHS: 6

Song of the day: Can't Take My Eyes Off You by Frankie Valli

Hey! Wanna Help Settle An Argument?

One of Zoey's friends wants Zoey to spend the night with her.

Ella and I have had a few discussions about this. One of us believes she is too young. One of us thinks she should be able to go.

Is five too young for a sleepover? If so, at what age should a child be allowed to spend the night at a friend's home?

Ella and I look forward to reading your comments.

Edited to add: Zoey has spent the night at her grandparents' homes with no problems whatsoever.

Edited yet again to add: We would like to thank everyone for their responses.

And in case you were wondering, I'm the one who thinks she's too young to be spending the night at a friend's house.

Song of the day: (What's So Funny 'Bout) Peace, Love And Understanding by Elvis Costello And The Attractions

Stuff Only I Care About LI

Weekly Random Thoughts on the Yankees

The Yankees went 5-1 this week, bringing their record to 89-65. The Yankees are two and a half games behind Boston in the AL East and hold a five and a half game lead over Detroit for the American League Wild Card.

Three is the magic number! Any combination of three wins by the Yanks or losses by the Tigers will clinch a playoff spot for the Yanks. Who's dead, bitches?

Go Cleveland (still afraid of the Angels)!

Weekly Random Thoughts On The Carolina Panthers

Last weekend, the Panthers opened up a 14-0 first quarter lead over the Texans off of two TD passes to Steve Smith. And then the bottom dropped out. The Texans ran off 34 straight points and held on to beat the Panthers 34-21. Did not see that coming at all. The Panthers are now tied for first in the NFC South with the Bucs, a game ahead of the Saints and Falcons.

The Panthers play the Falcons on Sunday. If they don't win this game, people will be calling for someone's head (my guess is Delhomme would be sacrificed). But the Panthers will win, 24-13.

Strollerderby

Quit. Meant to write about it last weekend. Forgot. Oh well.

Anyway, in case any of you were actually reading my stuff over there and may have wondered why I haven't posted anything in awhile, now you know.

But I will miss working alongside those funny, talented people. Best of luck, guys!

Rockabye

Rockabye: A Young Mom's Journey from Wild to Child, the book penned by Girl's Gone Child's Rebecca Woolf, will be released on March 28, 2008 and is now available for pre-order on Amazon. Go order a copy or ten!

Sunday Morning Hangover

Here are some of the more interesting/entertaining posts I've come across this week:

• Bossy wants some Dooce love.
• Jessica heals her sick son.
• Lindsay deals with an overbearing Soccer Dad.
• Marla plays the Alphabet Game with her son.
• Melissa volunteers at the elementary school.

Song of the day: Generation Spokesmodel by Mudhoney

The Amazing Chicken Pox Man, Toilet Training Parades, And Costumes For Cows

Time to bring out my writer's crutch! Here are some recent interesting/amusing/demented search phrases people have used to get to my site:

chicken pox man
They're really running out of ideas for comic book villains.

im better than her im better better than her
Oh yeah? Well I'm better better better than you!

do it yourself laser hair removal
You're braver than I am. And stupider, too.

hip bedtime songs baby
Do I have the perfect CD for you!

going to preschool is better than staying at home
Truer words have never been spoken.

how to answer the phone
1. Pick up phone.
2. Put phone to ear.
3. Say "hello."

Coming next time: how to wipe your own ass.

hey kid taste that piss and tell me if it's human
Yum!

is there a warrant out for me
Google is not your parole officer.

my children won't leave me alone!
I know! It's a major pain in the ass. They expect you to feed them and play with them and stuff.

we hate mix tapes
You are the Antichrist.

birthday invites wrestling
Because there's no better way to celebrate little Bobby Joe's fifth birthday than with invitations featuring 'roided-out freaks.

i hate my daughters punk rock image
And she hates your Corporate America image. What do you think causes that punk rock image of hers?

girls fighting until their shirts are off clips
Someone's been watching too many beer commercials. Or not enough.

having a party at mcdonalds
Worst birthday party ever.

kid kills father over cake
Ignore my previous response.

things to do on a boring night
Read Cynical Dad! Disclaimer: it won't actually make your evening any less boring.

beanie baby clothes punk
It's sad enough someone still has beanie babies. It's sadder still that this person dresses his beanie babies.

why do people have unibrows?
Because they're not fully evolved.

bed sheets after vomit
Should be changed. Quickly. As in now.

toilet training parade
Sarah? Have you tried this yet?

And my favorite search term of the month:

brett michaels cow outfit
And I bet all you cows out there thought you were going to have to be horses for the umpteenth Halloween in a row!

Song of the day: (Nothing But) Flowers by Talking Heads

The Sanctimonious Father And The MTA

There is no way to say this without sounding self-righteous and arrogant.

So screw it.

I went to my first PTA meeting on Monday evening. There were about ninety people in attendance. Care to guess how many of them were men?

40? Lower.

25? Lower.

10? Try 3. Me and two other guys.

Three men. What the hell? It's the Parent Teacher Association, not the Mother Teacher Association.

Apparently, three is an above-average showing. The PTA President noted at the meeting that there were three men in attendance. She went on to say, "and I'm excited to announce that we've had TWO men volunteer for the book fair!"

I started looking around the room, trying to figure out which one of my fellow male attendees would be working aside me at the book fair.

I read all the time about how today's fathers are taking a more active role in their children's lives than previous generations did. But after what I saw on Monday evening, I'm calling bullshit.

There's really no excuse for this kind of turnout. I know Monday Night Football's a big draw, but come one. I went to the PTA meeting, got groceries, and was still at the bar by the end of the first quarter of that snoozefest.

I realize attending a PTA meeting or volunteering for a school function is not as sexy as coaching your child's soccer team. But parenting isn't sexy.

I hope next month when my wife attends (we're taking turns), the men will outnumber the women 87-3. But somehow I doubt it.

Rant over.

Song of the day: The Chain by Fleetwood Mac

The End Of The Line

When I told them of my decision, the neighborhood Moms laughed in my face. One particularly jaded mother said, "I give you a week." Hell, two of you warned me about it when I wrote about the topic earlier. I'm beginning to believe everyone else was right.

Hell is not other people.

Hell is the Car Pickup Line at Zoey's elementary school.

I thought it might die down after a week or two. I figured people would eventually get tired of spending a good chunk of their afternoon waiting in the queue. I was wrong. True, some people have sucked it up and let their children take the bus, ride their bikes, or hitchhike, but most of the original car riders are still there.

And we're right there with them.

On most days, we pull up in the line about twenty minutes before school is over and don't leave the premises until twenty minutes after school is over. But I don't really mind the wait. Zed hops into the front seat with me and we read books, listen to music, and other stuff. Yeah, he would probably rather do all this in the comfort of our home, but he's a pretty good sport about it. Plus, he gets to pretend to drive the car!

But it's the stress that gets to me. The Car Pickup Line starts out as a nice, peaceful place. Parents stand outside their vehicles and talk to one another. Smaller children play while waiting for big brother or sister to come outside.

And then the school bell rings.

Game On!

The thunder from hundreds of revving minivans fills the air. I watch moms apply lipstick and eye black in their rearview mirrors. People who were the best of friends moments earlier are now sworn enemies, eager to flip you off, run you over, or pass your car at the slightest sign of hesitation. There is no such thing as friendship in the Car Pickup Line. There is only one law: Move Your Car Or Die.

Last week, the guy in the car in front of me fell asleep in his car. I tried honking my horn, but he didn't wake up. I quickly jumped out of the car and banged on his window, saving him from the angry mob that was planning to push his car into the ditch and set it on fire.

Yeah, it's that bad.

Sadly, that's not the most stressful part. It's the teachers that make the line stressful. In their perfect world, you would just slow the car down and your child would jump in while the car's still moving, but there are laws in place to prevent that from happening. So from the time they open your door, you have approximately 2.7 seconds before you're expected to be moving again.

Want to say hello to your child? Too bad. Move along!

Want to kiss your child? Too bad. Move along!

Want to make sure your child is buckled up? Too bad. Move along!

Yeah, I bitch. But I'll be there tomorrow.

With my game face on.

Song of the day: Move Along by The All-American Rejects

Stuff Only I Care About L

Weekly Random Thoughts on the Yankees

The Yankees went 4-2 this week, bringing their record to 84-64. The Yankees are five and a half games behind Boston in the AL East and hold a two and a half game lead over Detroit for the American League Wild Card.

Friday night's game against Boston was one of the sloppiest games I've watched the Yankees play all season (it was also one of the worst officiated; the strike zone was all over the place for both teams). But at least they won the game. And I'm going to pretend Saturday's game never happened, ok?

Wishes: for Cleveland to keep winning and for Detroit to start losing.

Weekly Random Thoughts On The Carolina Panthers

I really didn't think the Panthers would win last week's game, but they ended up crushing the Rams 27-13. They are in sole possession of first place in the NFC South.

It's amazing what a new offensive coordinator can do. It's nice to see them mix up the play-calling rather than follow last year's recipe for disaster of running the football for three straight quarters and then finding themselves ten points down in the fourth.

This week, it's a battle of undefeated teams as the Panthers host the Texans. Carolina will win, 24-10.

Weekly Random Thoughts On The Carolina Tar Heels

The Heels lost to Virginia today, 22-20, bringing their record to 1-2. Even though they're still on pace to honor my prediction of three wins for the season, I have high hopes for the future. They have a very good young quarterback in redshirt freshman T.J. Yates. He has nine touchdown passes in the first three games of the season. No other Carolina QB has ever accomplished this feat.

Bill Belichick

Bill Belichick is a great coach; one of the best if not the best in the NFL. He had no reason to videotape the other team's defensive calls. While I think he should've been suspended for a few games, it's time to move on. I'm dreading watching Sunday night's game against the Chargers. They'll be talking about CameraGate the entire time and probably have four or five cameras on Belichick at all times.

Earlier this week, I heard some idiotic sports radio talking head saying Belichick was trying to get caught. Why? To get pressure off his team. Apparently, Belichick was tired of the media naming them this year's Super Bowl champs. He didn't want his team to start believing their press. So he created a little negative press of his own to put the spotlight on him and not his team.

Belichick is a great coach and is obviously very intelligent. But come one. I think someone's been drinking the Belichick Kool-Aid.

Link Of The Week

This post, by Rebecca at Girl's Gone Child, was so powerful I thought it deserved a place of its own.

More Mr. Show!

Bob Odenkirk and David Cross, the geniuses behind Mr. Show, will be bringing a sitcom to HBO.

'Cause I Have To Talk About Hair Bands Every 4.5 Days

L.A. Guns, Hanoi Rocks, and possibly Vixen will be touring Europe together next year. I hope this tour hits the States.

Sunday Morning Hangover

Here are some of the more interesting/entertaining posts I've come across this week:

• Elle has some words for the lady in the supermarket.
• Jessica dreams of a world without crap-filled goody bags.
• Rockstar Mommy throws a partay.
• Wordgirl deals with Our Lady of Pimientos and her vehicle of destruction.
  

Song of the Day

Motherbumper is back for her final day as guest DJ. I hope you all have enjoyed her musical selections and accompanying stories as much as I have. Thanks, MB!

It was third year university and my boyfriend at the time, who's name escapes me (but I remember he had one eye - Phil? Or was it Steve? Maybe it was Quentin* - whatever - he was one of three guys I dated that had only one eye - apparently in my part of Canada, eyes are easy to lose) - what was I saying? Oh yes, well Whatshisname and I went to see The Cult. I though Ian Astbury was da' shit and consequently broke up with Whatshisname because he thought Astbury was a pansy.

You don't knock my man-crushes, SB knows that and that's why I married him.

And let me tell you, every time this song came on in a bar, I'd be dancing like a fool, even if there was no dance floor.

*I kid, his name was Dick. Or was it Mick?

Song of the day: She Sells Sanctuary by The Cult

If She Was Half As Smart As She Thinks She Is, I'd Have A Future Nobel Prize Winner On My Hands

On the way to school:

Zoey: I shouldn't be in kindergarten. I should be in first grade.
Me: But you'd miss all your new friends!
Zoey: They can just come with me.
Me: Why do you think you should be in first grade?
Zoey: Because I already know all this kindergarten stuff.

I have no idea where she gets all this confidence from. I wish some of it would rub off on me.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to stick a few pins in my Big Papi Voodoo Doll in preparation of this weekend's sweep of the Sox. Whose arm do you think will fall off this weekend: Clemens or Dice-K? Or both?

Song Of The Day

Motherbumper is back again today with another great song for your listening pleasure. This time, she talks about the song that got her kicked out of a van.

Continuing on my trip down the road of Motherbumper's youth, I found this one while searching on YouTube. I laughed so hard when I accidentally tripped over this song the other night; I haven't listened to it in ages. It will always be "the song that got me kicked out of the van, onto the side of the road, forcing me to walk back to town because I played one too many times" song from 1990.

Nowadays if a boyfriend kicked his girlfriend out onto the side of the old highway, forcing her to walk the last five miles, there would be a committee established to define "how much of an asshat can boyfriends be to annoying girlfriends" or something like that. But back in the good ol' days I got what I deserved for abusing the tape deck (yes, tape deck - gah, I'm feeling old).

Song of the day: In Green Fields by Big Drill Car

Like Ice Cube Said, "It Was A Good Day."

Today I didn't even have to use my AK.

Plus!

Today was Zed's third day of preschool. It was also the first day that he didn't cry when I dropped him off.

Preschool has been tearing me apart. I wonder if he knows what's going on when I drop him off. I feel guilty for leaving him with strangers. Even though they say kids learn a lot from other kids, I still beat myself up and question if this is truly what's best for him. On his first day of preschool, after his teacher kicked me out of the room as she picked him and tried to comfort him, I sat in the car for about fifteen minutes, wishing someone would pick me up and comfort me. Wanting to go back in and take him home with me.

But I didn't. I composed myself, drove home, and paced all morning. When I picked him up that day, he was crying. Not still crying; he was upset because they had just come in from playing outside and apparently he wasn't down with that plan. But seeing him crying once again killed me. I thought about taking him out of preschool.

But we pressed on.

When we went inside today, the kids were playing with blocks at a table. I took him over to the table, sat him in a chair, kissed him, and walked away. He watched me as I unpacked his backpack. Then he turned back to the table and started building a tower.

I was the one who almost started crying.

I snuck out of the room and watched him through the window for a few seconds. He looks happy, I told myself. So I left. I still went home and paced, but with a little less guilt than usual.

When I went to pick him up today, he was playing near another boy. They weren't playing with each other, but they were sitting on the floor right next to each other, playing with dinosaurs. When I picked him up to leave, he started crying. He didn't want to leave. Which made me feel much better about preschool, but it also made me feel like crap at the same time.

I know preschool will be good for him. He's sitting during circle time. He's participating in art projects. Last week, his teacher told me he told another kid, "Give that back" when the kid took a ball from Zed. We've never heard him string three words together. So something's rubbing off on him there. Plus, he's learning to stick up for himself. But it still bothers me. I just can't stop wondering if he truly understands what's going on.

I know preschool will be good for him. Eventually, it will be good for me, too.

Song Of The Day

Ok. Enough with my dramatics. Motherbumper is back with another musical selection, kids. While she's not stripping for you today, she is hanging out with rockstars.

So continuing with the quasi-theme of songs of Motherbumper's youth, I decided to cash one out from the happy memory bank. In the early 90s I attended a super fantastic week-long music fest that featured some kick ass bands: Sloan, Red Kross, and Doughboys were by far my favs. As luck would have it, and probably due to my new blond locks and single status, I sweet-talked my way into the after party at the end of the week-long celebration. I woke up 1200 kilometers away full of stories that are not fit to print since my Dad might read this. Even though I'm close to being forty, I'm still scared of getting grounded (or losing my inheritance).

Song of the day: Fix Me by The Doughboys

If I Strip For You Will You Strip For Me?

For today's song of the day choice, Motherbumper picked a number that she would have used as her theme song if she had become a stipper. I thought that was an interesting topic for conversation, so I want to ask you: if you were a stripper, what would your theme song be? And if you are/were a stripper, feel free to critique the others' choices.

Personally, my stripper theme music would either be Closer by Nine Inch Nails or Copacabana. I'm undecided.

Song of the Day

It's Motherbumper again. Since I have a tendency to be long-winded, I'll keep this short: When I was young(er) I figured if I ever lost my sanity and decided to be a stripper, this would be my theme song. 'Nuff said.

Song of the day: Thunder Kiss '65 by White Zombie

Couple Named World's Worst Parents

LAS VEGAS -- In a Saturday evening ceremony held at the Bellagio Hotel and Casino, Chag and Ella Holland were named "The World's Worst Parents" by Parenting Resources Magazine. "While it's a disgrace to be thought of as the world's worst at anything, let alone parenting, at least we got a free trip to Vegas out of it," Ella told reporters. Added Chag, "this trip is free, right?"

"The Hollands had been on Parenting Resources Magazine's radar for most of the year for past parenting indiscretions, but they really outdid themselves this week," Parenting Resources Magazine spokesperson Amber Wright stated.

"Yeah, we screwed up, but it wasn't totally our fault," Chag explained. "Every day, Zoey brings home mountains of papers from kindergarten. Newsletters, lunch menus, bus route information, fundraiser information, PTA letters, school rules, all kinds of crap. Did they really expect us to read every single piece of paper? I don't have a Personal Assistant."

Amidst the abundance of papers was a newsletter which outlined their daughter's homework assignments for the week. "The sad thing is Zoey tried to let us know about it. On Tuesday, she told us she had to tell three things about her family at school the next day. On Wednesday, she told us she needed to know her Student ID Number," Ella said. "It wasn't until later that night that I found the newsletter. The next morning, we were cramming at breakfast, hammering her Student ID Number into her head."

"She's in kindergarten! They're not supposed to have homework," Chag added.

The Hollands have since learned their lesson. They have vowed to read every scrap of paper they find in their daughter's backpack.

Song Of The Day

Motherbumper was kind enough to take over the turntables for me this week. She'll be picking the songs of the day this week and writing a little bit about each one (if anyone else would like to DJ for a week sometime down the road, drop me a line). Without further ado…

This opportunity to play DJ gave me the chance to dig around the archives for some of my favorite blasts from the past. The hardest thing to do was narrowing down the list but I managed (barely). I decided to go for a quasi-theme of songs of motherbumper's youth - something I have fought hard not to give up. But as the responsibilities of parenting become unavoidable, I must admit it is Bumper's turn to be the youngin' and I must be the fist shakin' ol' fogey. So here is my first trip down memory lane (omg even saying that makes me feel damn old).

As a young, irresponsible lass I lived in what we called the House of Skate. We had no cable on our TV, no VCR for entertainment, but be damned we had a mega-speakered sound system that made us just that much more endearing to our neighbors (well that and our penchant for setting off firecrackers at odd hours). Oh yes, we were the neighbors from hell. Firecrackers aside, this song featured in what was probably our most annoying habit that for some strange reason, the neighbors tolerated. On Saturday mornings, everyone that lived in the house had to be work at the ungodly hour of 9 AM so one of the more organized roommates always cranked this song to wake us out of our drunken stupors. Ditch Digger was an anthem of sorts, our marching song that led us off to our horrible stinkin' "working for the man" McJobs.

These days, I would kill to be able to sleep that late in the morning. Growing up and being all responsible-like really sucks.

Song of the day: Ditch Digger by Rocket From The Crypt

The End Is Nigh

For those of you constantly searching for signs of the end of days, I offer you the image to your right.

Yes, it's real.

Yes, it's coming out.

Yes, it's sad.

After seeing this, I'm convinced publishing companies are running out of ideas and everyone deserves a book deal. Except me, of course. I couldn't string together fifty pages if my life depended on it. Unless you count my manifesto on everything that's wrong with the world. And nobody needs to read that.

And am I the only who's surprised to learn American Idol has a soul?

Song of the day: It's the End of the World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine) by R.E.M.

Women Are From Venus, Men Eat Buffalo Wings

On Saturday, Ella and I were able to go on a rare afternoon date! This was our second date this summer, so we need to be careful before we spoil ourselves.

We caught Superbad, which not as funny as we had hoped. I wanted to see Rob Zombie's Halloween and Ella wanted to see The Nanny Diaries, so we compromised. The first twenty minutes of Superbad were quite funny (especially Jonah Hill's "art problem"), but it all went downhill after they went to the liquor store.

The theater was about half filled, but we had two Hetero Guys seated near us trying to out-hetero each other during the sleeping bag scene near the end. "I'm feeling uncomfortable," said Hetero #1. "This just ain't right," replied Hetero #2. Grow up, fellas. It's 2007.

Before the movie, we had lunch at Buffalo Wild Wings. I'm always on the search for the perfect buffalo wing, so we decided to give them a try (verdict: decent wings, but far from perfect). The place was packed with Appalachian State fans cheering on their team. We were able to see the first half of the Greatest Upset In The History Of Sports before leaving to see the movie.

On the way to the theater, I was telling Ella how I'd like to go back to the restaurant. "I bet you would," she said. "There's a billion televisions with sports and all they serve is man food." "Man food?" I asked. "Buffalo wings, potato skins, cheese sticks, deep-fried appetizer crap," she replied. "If that's man food, what's woman food? A salad?" I asked her. She didn't have an answer for me.

So, if buffalo wings, potato skins, cheese sticks, and the like are "man food," what is woman food? I know most of my readers are women, so I'd really like to hear your thoughts.

And if anyone knows of a chain that makes great wings (spicy, but flavorful), let me know.

Song of the day: Valerie by The Zutons

Labor Day, As Defined By A Kindergartener

Zoey and I had the following conversation after breakfast this morning:

Me: Zoey, it's time to go brush your teeth and get dressed.
Zoey: I need to get ready for school!
Me: No. We're going to the grocery store. You don't have school today.
Zoey: [whining] Why not?

Zoey and kindergarten are still in the playful first days of their relationship. The bloom is still on the rose.

Me: Because it's a holiday. It's Labor Day.
Zoey: What's Labor Day?
Me: It's a day when workers don't have to work.
Zoey: Good! I don't have to do my chores today!

Kids catch on quickly, don't they?

Song of the day: No New Tale To Tell by Love And Rockets

Stuff Only I Care About XLIX

Weekly Random Thoughts on the Yankees

The Yankees went 4-3 this week, bringing their record to 76-60. The Yankees are five games behind Boston in the AL East and hold a two-game lead over Seattle for the American League Wild Card. The Yankees can put some real distance in the wild-card race if they sweep their three-game series next week against Seattle.

That said, the Yankees really need to win the East. If they enter as the Wild Card team, they'll play the Angels in the first round. The Angels are the only team with a winning record against the Yankees since Joe Torre became their manager.

And oh yeah… DID I MENTION THE YANKEES SWEPT BOSTON THIS WEEK?

But kudos to Clay Buchholz, who pitched a no-hitter today against the Orioles in only his second appearance for the Sox. Hopefully, he won't do the same against the Yankees.

Weekly Random Thoughts On The Carolina Tar Heels

The Butch Davis Era got off to a great start with a 37-14 win over James Madison. But let's see how they do against ACC opponents before we get too excited. My prediction? Three wins this season.

And after watching them this preseason, I'm not too sure the Panthers will fare much better.

Best Sports Commentary Of The Week

Shut up, Red Sox Nation

[via Mark]

Another Hairband Xmas

A Christmas album by some of your favorite hair bands will hit stores on September 11th. Here's the track listing:

1. Skid Row Jingle Bells
2. Winger Happy Christmas (War Is Over)
3. Warrant's Jani Lane Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas
4. Twisted Sister w/ Lita Ford I'll Be Home For Christmas
5. Queensryche White Christmas
6. LA Guns Run Rudolph Run
7. Firehouse Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree
8. Danger Danger Naughty Naughty Christmas
9. Cinderella's Tom Keifer Blue Christmas
10. Nelson Jingle Bell Rock
11. Faster Pussycat Silent Night
12. Dokken Santa Claus is Coming to Town
13. Enuff Z'nuff Happy Holiday
14. Stryper Winter Wonderland
15. Billy Idol Christmas Love
    

While there is some overlap between this disc and We Wish You A Hairy Christmas, there are some songs on this disc I'm not familiar with and can't wait to hear, namely the Tom Keifer, Winger, Twisted Sister, and Billy Idol (although how he fits in with the rest of these bands is beyond me) numbers.

[via BlabberMouth]

Because I'm The Only Person Who Hasn't Mentioned Miss Teen South Carolina This Week

That was me on the stage. Seriously, if I was in front of a crowd, knowing I was on television, and someone were to ask me a question, I would probably give an equally rambling answer. If I could speak at all.

I feel your pain, Ms. Upton.

MyBlogLogLoser

Because I had an extra fifteen minutes of dead time tonight, I joined MyBlogLog. If I am not doing something correctly or am not following proper protocol, please feel free to let me know.

Sunday Morning Hangover

Here are some of the more interesting/entertaining posts I've come across this week:

• Darren tries to learn about his daughter's first day of first grade.
• Kristen's family has become that family.
• Mamatulip watches porn with her in-laws.
• Marla shares her lesson plans for sex education.
• Motherbumper flashes the delivery guy.
• Mrs. Davis shares what she loves and doesn't love about the South.
• Wendy packs her son's lunch for his first day of preschool.

Song of the day: What A Wonderful World by Joey Ramone