Repost: I Wonder How They Would Fare With Def Leppard

Since the Scripps National Spelling Bee will be televised live on May 31st from 10:00 AM to 1:00 PM EDT on ESPN and from 8:00 PM to 10:00 PM EDT on ABC, I figured it was a good time to repost this entry from last year. If you haven't read it, it talks about my love of spelling bees.

Confession time: I am a nerd. Not a self-proclaimed sexy geek. A nerd.

Today is a national holiday for nerds. Why, you ask? It's one of the greatest yearly events in Nerdville: The Scripps National Spelling Bee.

When I was in fourth grade, I came in second in my school's spelling bee. When I was in fifth grade, I won my school's spelling bee. I don't remember hearing about a spelling bee when I was in middle school though. Perhaps my school system just washed their hands of the whole affair.

Now before you start thinking differently, my parents did not feed me flashcards for breakfast; I've always been a fairly decent speller (grammar, on the other hand, remains a mystery to me). And around these parts, if you can successfully spell lunch, cat, or Monday, you have a pretty good chance of winning your school's spelling bee. But I lost in one of the early rounds of the county championship.

The word that knocked me out of the competition? Marriage. According to my ten-year-old brain, there was no "I" in marriage. I would say that a lot during my footloose single days.

Actually, I still tell that joke today. It's a wonder Ella ever married me. For that and oh-so-many more reasons.

But back to the REAL spellers. The Scripps National Spelling Bee has been televised on ESPN for as long as I can remember. This year, they're showing the early rounds on ESPN on Thursday from 10:00 AM to 1:00 PM EDT. The championship round will follow on ABC at 8:00 PM EDT.

That's right, bitches. Spelling's gone mainstream. Deal.

I looooooooove watching the spelling bee. Armed with equal parts empathy and morbid fascination, I watch these poor kids fumble their way through words I've never heard of. Look, it's hard enough being a normal twelve-to-fourteen-year-old in this day and age. Imagine being a kid whose only human contact for the past six months has been some deranged Alphabet Dictator constantly barking obscure French spelling rules. You'd develop severe tics as well.

Whether it be clutching the microphone as if to keep from falling into some imaginary pit beneath them, sweating profusely, swaying back and forth, uncontrollable blinking, gasping between letters, sniffing their fingers (I'm looking at you, E-U-O-N-Y-M! girl), or writing on their placards with their BIC® Index Fingers, these kids are glorious messes.

But you know who also has it rough? The pronouncer. The fortitude of the pronouncers simply amazes me. How has something like the following never happened?

Pronouncer: Dik-taht.
Contestant: Dik-tat.
Pronouncer: Dik-taht.
Contestant: Dik-tat.
Pronouncer: Dik-TAHT.
Contestant: Dik-taht. May I have the definition, please?
Pronouncer: Diktat: an authoritative decree or order.
Contestant: Can you use it in a sentence?
Pronouncer: The czar issued a diktat that many citizens deemed unfair.
Contestant: Are there any alternate pronunciations?
Pronouncer: No. Just dik-taht.
Contestant: Dik-tat.
Pronouncer: Dik-TAHT.
Contestant: Dik-taht. What's the language of origin?
Pronouncer: Latin. To dictate.
Contestant: Dik-tat.
Pronouncer: DIK-TAHT!
Contestant: Can you use it in a sentence?
Pronouncer: Yes! This moron can't say dik-TAHT! How's that sentence for you, DICK-HEAD?

Needless to say, I'll be Tivoing it just in case something like that occurs. Anyone else watching? Does anyone have any early lines on the kids? Any dark horses I should be aware of?

It's March Madness for nerds!

Song of the day: Starfish And Coffee by Prince

Memorial Day

Years ago, before I met Ella, the Memorial Day holiday meant driving to the shore with the guys and trying to use my charm to spend some "quality time" with girls we met on the beach. Oh wait — I can't fool you. You've seen my picture. You know all the charm in the world couldn't overcome this face.

So what does the Memorial Day weekend mean today? It means preschool graduation, the start of summer, yard work, and dryer shopping. Life in the fast lane, bitches!

The End Of An Era?

Zoey's last day of preschool was Friday. Like her previous two end-of-year programs, we were treated to a few songs from the entire preschool followed by a picnic on the church's front lawn. Zoey sang all the songs, smiled the entire time, and did all the hand movements. Perhaps she's ready for kindergarten?

I don't know anymore. We've been struggling with this issue for some time and had decided to send her to kindergarten this fall. But that was before we learned of Zed's diagnosis. We'll be spending a lot of time this summer working on his therapy. I don't know if we'll be able to teach Zoey how to write uppercase and lowercase letters, count to one hundred, speak fluent French, write to thirty, perform minor surgery, and the rest of her kindergarten requirements.

Holding her back another year doesn't seem like such a bad idea.

I Hate Yard Work

I'm not one of those guys who spends all his time on his lawn, trying to outdo his neighbors, waking up early every Saturday morning to massage his grass. Basically, I do the bare minimum to keep the Community Association out of my hair.

That said, I spent a good part of Saturday out in the lawn getting Cynical Land: America's Destination For Family Fun™ ready for its summer season. Mowed the lawn, pulled weeds, and trimmed some trees.

I even got the bright idea to plant our super duper huge beach umbrella in our mulch pit (the umbrella was just collecting dust in the garage since we bought it at a yard sale; it was time to actually put it to some use). It's hard enough planting an umbrella in the sand, but mulch is worse. The mulch isn't dense enough to actually hold the umbrella. So I had to dig through the two feet of mulch, the plastic underneath the mulch, and six or eight inches of dirt beneath the plastic in order to plant the thing. It looks ridiculous as the tips of the umbrella are only four feet off the ground. But the kids aren't that tall yet and it provides some shade for them, so it was worth it.

But I fear it won't withstand a 5 MPH wind.

Window Of Opportunity

We spent most of Sunday afternoon shopping for a new dryer. You know how lots of people like to joke and claim their dryers eat socks? Well, our dryer really did eat socks. And shirts. And pants. And thongs. It showed no discrimination in its appetite. Basically, clothes would get caught in part of the dryer and holes slightly smaller than a dime would be burned into the clothes.

I called a repairman out to the house last week to take a look at the thing (free estimate, of course). He said it would cost $192 to fix it. Since the dryer was nine years old and he told me a dryer typically only lasts eight years or so, we decided to buy a new dryer. Of course, I had to drive to six different places to get the best deal possible.

They told us they'd deliver the thing on Memorial Day between the hours of noon and four. Which was cool with me because I knew it was supposed to be hotter than Hades today and I'd rather be handcuffed to the house during the hot afternoon hours and have the relatively cooler morning hours free.

The kids and I played outside after breakfast this morning. Around ten, we headed to the grocery store. Twenty minutes after I was in the store, my cellular phone rang. It was the appliance store, telling me the drivers were en route to my home to deliver the dryer. So I ran through the grocery store, grabbing a few more essentials, before heading home.

When we got there, the guys were waiting for us. "I thought you guys weren't supposed to be here until after noon?" I said. "Yeah," the guy replied. "But we got through with our morning schedule early and hoped you'd let us come early. We're trying to go home early today." And they even helped me carry in my groceries.

Hope your Memorial Day weekend was far more eventful than mine.

Song of the day: Pleasant Valley Sunday by The Monkees

Clearing The Cobwebs

Thanks

As you probably noticed, I disabled comments when I uploaded my last post. I'm not one who is adept at talking about my feelings. I tend to make jokes instead.

Well, many of you ignored my attempt to wrap myself up in a warm fuzzy blanket and shut out the world. I have received so many warm emails filled with encouragement, sympathy, recommendations, offers of assistance, and your own experiences with autism. I truly appreciate each and every one. Your emails have meant so much to Ella and I.

Now let's move on before this becomes a Sally Field moment.

It's Like Ray-Ee-Yain On Your Wedding Day

In light of recent events, here are two things I wish I would've done differently when I started this site:

1. Went with a different tagline. "Proof my children will be using their college funds for therapy" seemed funny at the time. Now that Zed is undergoing weekly education and speech therapy, it doesn't sound nearly as funny. Time for a new slogan, dontcha think?
2. Picked a different fake last name. I could've picked any name in the phonebook. I went with Holland. Dumbass. As one of my friends pointed out, there is a well-known analogy that compares raising a child with autism to planning a trip to Italy but ending up in Holland instead.
   

But I Haven't Lost My Self-Righteous Indignation

I received an email last week from someone at Banyan Productions. Apparently, they are planning a spin-off of Trading Spaces featuring stay-at-home dads. I got no problem with that. The problem I had was with the following line from the email (italics are mine):

"We would love to find SAHM DADS in DENVER who own their own home."

Sigh. Someone cue Rodney Dangerfield.

Song of the day: Thank You (Falettinme Be Mice Elf Agin) by Sly & The Family Stone

Hiatus Explained

You may have noticed a drought in posting around here. I've lost my sense of humor.

Zed was a late crawler and walker. He still doesn't speak. Eventually, we stopped labeling him as a "late bloomer" and became concerned. And after several rounds of testing, we heard the words no parent wants to hear: "Your son has autism."

Ella first brought up the possibility of autism right before Zed's second birthday. I didn't want to believe it at first. He didn't and doesn't display some of the characteristics of a child with autism. He makes eye contact. He's very affectionate and loves to be held and hugged. He smiles and laughs a lot. But as I'm slowly wiping away my ignorance through research, I'm realizing autism is so much more than that.

Lately, our days have been spent with social workers, education and speech therapists, child psychologists, and pediatricians. Talking to neurologists about CAT scans and genetic testing. Researching the therapies available. Meeting with other families with autistic children. We have met many great people so far that have helped us cope with and understand what Zed's going through. I am very grateful.

But the thing I've been struggling with the most is the future. The uncertainty. I know as parents we all worry about our children's futures. I wonder is Zed will ever play Little League ball. I wonder if he'll fall in love. I wonder if he'll ever say, "I love you, Daddy."

***

If you have any concerns about the development of your child, please review the Autism Society of America's characteristics of autism. Early intervention is the key in treating autism.

I hope to return to writing next week after we give ourselves a little more time to process everything. Writing is therapeutic. Writing this has been hard, but in a way it feels better to expel these thoughts from my head.

Stuff Only I Care About XLI

Weekly Random Thoughts on the Yankees

The Yankees went 4-3 this week, bringing their record to 17-18. They are tied for second place in the AL East and are seven games behind Boston.

Ugh.

But for all the Red Sox fans who are preordering their AL East Champions banners, I'd like to bring your attention to two years ago. On May 10, 1995, the Yankees were 16-19 and seven games out in the AL East. They ended the regular season atop the AL East at 95-67. So there.

On Tuesday, the Yankees start a tough stretch where they play three-game series with the White Sox, Mets, and Red Sox with no days off.

Celebrity Sightings

After reading KittenPie's account of playing with MyHeritage.com's Face Recognition software, I decided to give it a try. You upload a picture of yourself to the site and they tell you what celebrities you look like. Unlike KittenPie, who received no matches, I got nine matches. Here are my results (in increasing resemblance):

9. Daniela Pestova -- If I looked anything like Daniela Pestova, I would spend my days naked in front of a mirror, fondling myself.
8. Orlando Bloom -- Ella probably wishes this were true.
7. Nicolas Cage -- Fifteen years ago, I went to a sorority party. I had ten or twelve people come up to me that evening and tell me I looked like Nicolas Cage. I had never had anyone tell me I looked like Nicolas Cage before that evening. I have not had anyone tell me that since.
6. Jesse Bradford -- See Orlando Bloom.
5. Sophia Bush -- I didn't even know this person existed before I did this. I've never seen any of her television shows or movies.
4. Kyle MacLachlan -- Yeah, I know he's done bigger and better things, but I'll always remember him from The Hidden.
3. Richard Wright -- Pink Floyd's keyboardist.
2. Peter Sarsgaard -- Never knew this guy's name. But he's a damn fine actor.
   
1. Oscar Wilde -- If only my writing resembled his.
   

I look nothing like these people.

For Those Too Cheap To Rock, We Salute You

If you are like me and live nowhere near Oklahoma and/or are too cheap to attend Rocklahoma, the three-day music festival featuring Bang Tango, Britny Fox, BulletBoys, Dokken, Enuff Z'nuff, Faster Pussycat, Firehouse, Great White, Jackyl, LA Guns, Vince Neil, Poison, Quite Riot, Ratt, Slaughter, Skid Row, Twisted Sister, Warrant, W.A.S.P., White Lion, Winger, and Y&T, I have some great news: the festival will be broadcast on pay-per-view and VH1.

And that may have been the longest sentence in my site's history.

Leaks

New studio mixes of There Was A Time, The Blues, I.R.S., and Chinese Democracy from Guns N' Roses' upcoming (ha ha ha) Chinese Democracy album were leaked to the web this week. When I first heard the leaks from the first three songs over a year ago, I was unimpressed. But now? Very impressed. There Was A Time sounds amazing now. And the new leak, Chinese Democracy, rocks hard.

Now I only hope this album is released before I have grandchildren.

Good News

Friday Night Lights will be back next year. Now if someone would tell me if Jericho (yeah, I know I'm the only one watching that show) will return, I'd be very happy.

Offsprung

The Lovely Mrs. Davis, Stefan from Zooglobble, several other bloggers, and some dude that wrote a book or two have launched a new parenting site: Offsprung. They're off to a great start so check it out if you haven't already.

Mother's Day Comes Early

Liz of Mom-101 and Cool Mom Picks gave birth to her daughter, Sage Alexandra, on Friday. Go congratulate her!

Mother's Day Comes Late

Last year, I decided to find the coolest mother immortalized in song. I had a lot of fun doing this.

Mother's Day Comes Now

I know most of you are moms and I'd like to wish each and every one of you a happy Mother's Day. And to everyone else, go hug your favorite mom blogger.

Song of the day: Mama Said Knock You Out by LL Cool J

Dialogue

Fight The Good Fight

Zoey: I'm going to beat Zed up today!

Explanation: No, we're not starting a Fight Club Junior in our home. Zoey, who is a notoriously slow eater, actually finished her lunch before Zed this afternoon.

Proof I Spend Entirely Too Much Time Around Kids

We were playing in the backyard when Zoey's neighborhood chum, Elmo, entered through the woods.

Elmo: Is today tomorrow?
Me: No. Yesterday was tomorrow.
Elmo: Aw man!
Me: Sorry.

Explanation: I hosted a little playdate for some of Zoey's preschool buddies on Wednesday afternoon. Elmo came over on Tuesday and I told him, "We're having a bunch of kids over tomorrow afternoon if you want to drop by." But he didn't drop by until Thursday afternoon.

And Thanks

Thanks to everyone who took the time to fill out the survey. And for those of you who haven't, what are you waiting for? It's lots of fun. It makes you more popular with the opposite sex. Children and household animals will love you. Thanks!

Song of the day: Push Th' Little Daisies by Ween

We Came THIS Close To Just Amputating The Damn Thing

Mr. Owl, how many adults does it take to remove a splinter from a four-year-old girl's finger?

Let's find out.

A one. A two. A three. CRUNCH (that's the sound of my head exploding).

A three.

Last night, Zoey got her first splinter. I have no idea how she made it almost five years without a splinter. But after what we went through the past twenty-four hours, I wish she had gone another five years.

I explained to Zoey what I was going to do. "First, I'm going to take a piece of ice and rub it all over your finger. Then I'm going to take a safety pin and set it on fire--"

And then all hell broke loose. I should have chosen my words more wisely. Or just omitted that last part.

So I tried reasoning with her. More hysterics.

I tried bribing her. More hysterics.

I tried threatening her. More hysterics.

I tried making up outlandish lies about fingers falling off while people sleep. More hysterics.

After an hour of this, I dabbed hydrogen peroxide on her finger and put her in bed.

My Mom came over this afternoon to eat dinner with us and spend some time with the kids. I told Zoey that my Mom used to be a nurse and she had plenty of experience removing splinters (she did raise two boys, after all).

More hysterics.

So when Ella came home from her business trip this evening (why does crap like this always happen when she's out of town?), we once again tried to reason with Zoey. When that failed to work, we decided to exercise our only remaining option: overpower her.

I put Zoey on my lap and held her arms against her chest. My Mom held Zoey's hand so she couldn't move it. And Ella F-I-N-A-L-L-Y removed the splinter.

I need a drink.

***

You know the ads I show on the right side of my site? Well the folks behind those ads would like you to fill out a survey. They want to know a little bit more about you so they can show you targeted ads.

Yeah, I know it's a pain in the ass. But the ads aren't going anywhere. And wouldn't you rather see an ad for something that might be of interest to you?

No? You're going to make me beg, aren't you?

Ok. Please fill out the survey.

What do you mean it didn't sound sincere enough?

Fine. Please oh please oh please fill out the survey. With sugar on top. And all that jazz. I'll be your best friend forever.

Thanks!

Song of the day: Drinkin' On The Job by The Rainmakers

Stuff Only I Care About XL

Weekly Random Thoughts on the Yankees

The Yankees went 4-2 this week, bringing their record to 13-15. They are tied for second place in the AL East and are five and a half games behind Boston.

In their four victories this week, the Yankees outscored their opponents 27-7. In their two losses, the Yankees were outscored 22-15. The Yankees lead the majors in runs scored, averaging 6.04 runs per game. However, they are giving up 5.25 runs per game.

The Yankees did have two great outings by starting pitchers this week. Chien-Ming Wang went eight innings, giving up two hits and one homer in today's 8-1 victory over Seattle. Rookie Phil Hughes pitched six and a third of no-hit ball before leaving with a pulled hamstring. Unfortunately, he will miss four to six weeks.

The Yankees have four games against Seattle and three games against Texas this week. The Yankees will be sending another rookie starter, Matt DeSalvo, to the mound in Monday's game against Seattle.

@#!%

The Independent Film Channel is running a month-long series called The 31 Best Movie Moments In Bad Words: A Celebration Of Cinematic Swearing. Each day, they are showing clips from some of the most creative swearing scenes in indie flicks. So far, they've highlighted Clerks, Glengarry Glen Ross, Happiness (Jon Lovitz's career-defining moment), Living In Oblivion, and Pulp Fiction.

[Note: To view the daily entries, you must go to their homepage each day and click on the graphic. There is no url that updates with each day's entry. You need to change this, IFC guys.]

Dave Rocks

Dave at Blogography just celebrated his blog's fourth anniversary. And unlike most people who would simply run a list of some of their favorite posts (ahem) to mark the occasion, Dave gave away prizes. What did he give away? By my calculations, Dave gave away a Polaroid A515 digital camera, a $50 Amazon gift certificate, a Flickr Pro Account Membership, ten sets of DuckyButtons, fifty-five custom-made DuckyButtons, four high quality prints of his DaveToons or photography, and forty Blogography t-shirts. Insane, right?

I was actually one of the Grand Prize winners. I won the Amazon gift certificate, six sets of DuckyButtons, twenty-five custom-made DuckyButtons, and three t-shirts. ROCK!

But I need your help. See, I have no idea what to put on my custom-made DuckyButtons. Remember those pins all the kids wore on their lapels in the 80s? That's what DuckyButtons look like.

I thought about putting a picture of my kids on the buttons. But I can't really see their relatives wearing them on a regular basis. I thought about putting my site's logo on the buttons, but even though the logo's quite cool (thanks again, Kristen & John), I think it's too big to put on a button. Then I thought of just putting "Cynical Dad Sucks" on the buttons because I'm all about truth in advertising. Do I put "Chag 4 Prez" for my inevitable Presidential campaign on down the line? Frankie Say Relax?

I'm stumped. I don't have any idea what to put on the buttons. If you have any suggestions, please leave them in the comments.

And A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Toy Store Today

It was raining yet again today, so we took the kids to the pet store and the toy store. Zed loves puppets, so we went to the puppet section to play. Only there were two emo kids lying there on the floor, arms and legs intertwined, with walls of stuffed animals constructed around them, sharing an iPod.

Is this what passes for foreplay?

Sunday Morning Hangover

Here are some of the more interesting/entertaining posts I've come across this week:

• Chris remembers 1992.
• CroutonBoy organizes his music collection.
• Kristen finds an ice skating rink in her home.
• Lindsay prepares for a showdown with Cinderella's Jeff LaBar.
• Marla peppers her speech with sweet nothings.
• Rockstar Mommy is renamed Lawnmower by her daughter.

Song of the day: Two Tribes by Frankie Goes To Hollywood

Film Slob

I was once a film buff. Past tense. Before I had kids and I still had a little bit of disposable income and time, I would regularly drive forty to sixty minutes to the nearest indie cinemas to catch movies.

I even tried to start a film club once with some of my friends and their wives/girlfriends. I had big dreams of showing double features based on director, genre, leading actor/actress, screenwriter, etc. In my mind, we would sit around and watch the films and then have a big discussion about them afterward.

So I started sending out feelers to my friends.

Me: Want to come over to our house and watch Citizen Kane?
Them: Nah. Let's rent Joe Dirt instead.

I immediately knew my idea was dead in the water before I fired up the DVD player.

Why am I telling you this? Because last night I caught a flick that was worth telling you guys about.

It's been in limited release for a while now, so I'm sure those of you in the major metropolises have already had a chance to see it if you wished. But since I live in the South, it takes some time before movies that don't have numbers at the end of their titles to trickle down our way.

The movie is called Gwoemul (The Host). It's a South Korean flick. It's subtitled (don't groan). But when I read a review that likened it to a cross between Jaws and Little Miss Sunshine, I knew then that I had to see this movie.

The movie is about a monster (picture a mutant catfish with legs) that lives in the Han River. When a man's daughter is captured by the monster, he and the rest of his dysfunctional family band together to save her after the government refuses to help them.

While the movie can been viewed as pro-environment and anti-American (the monster is created after an Army pathologist orders a man to pour formaldehyde into a sink that empties into the Han River), it is, at its heart, a good old-fashioned monster flick. And unlike most monster flicks, you're not teased with a second of a fin here, a splash of a tail here, etc. You see the entire monster before the first reel is changed.

So if anyone's seen Gwoemul, feel free to email me if you'd like to discuss it. Or we can talk about Joe Dirt. Your call.

***

P.S. Sunday is Mr. Big Dubya's birthday. Go by his virtual birthday party and wish him a good one. And be careful at your party, dude. I've heard turning 40 can be very taxing on one's body.

Song of the day: My Philosophy by Boogie Down Productions

Men at Work

Here's a special guest post from Steve from The Hygiene Chronicles. He wanted to talk smack about someone that reads his site. So I let him do it on my site. What are friends for?

And if you're not reading Steve, you really should. He's a fellow father, has a soft spot for hair bands, is funny as hell, and is the hottest gay daddy blogger in the DC area.

A few weeks ago, I came to the realization that there are certain topics you just can't write about on your blog because of those people who read it. The people at my last job seem to keep close tabs on me because

1. They are insanely interested in what I'm doing with my life.
2. I keep slamming their business ethics under the company pseudonym of Imagine.
   

So in a plea to let me vent about these things, Chag so graciously offered his space for me to address these issues.

I left Imagine over a year ago. It truly was one of the worst places I had ever worked. If you were a teacher to or have middle or high school aged children, our company was responsible for those "exclusive invitations to an elite leadership program for high achievers." Umm, utter bullshit. We sent those out to 600,000 kids a year and signed up nearly 15,000 at $2000 a pop.

Like any job, you meet people who you inevitably become friendly with. However, let's qualify this: most times, you are friends only because you are in the same office for forty hours a week. Only a select few will become dear friends that stay with you long after one of you departs.

For some reason, most of the people from Imagine haven't learned this lesson.

Russ was fired from Imagine on June 30, 2005. He worked for me. Imagine was suffering (enrollments had fallen to only 14,500) and they used this mere reduction in cash flow to purge a part of their workforce that didn't produce. Russ truly was (and is) a bad worker. I never hired him but I got stuck with him because they felt we'd get along and I might be able to change him.

Ever heard the one about a leopard and his spots? Yeah… that was Russ.

Russ was most interested in reality TV, video games, XM radio, and anything else that sounded fun and had nothing to do with work. We were both 39, had families, and were fourteen years older than everyone else in our division. He was the closest to me in similarity, but supervising him was a joke.

Luckily Russ was part of the 2005 purge. The departure of Russ and the other twenty-two began the demise of Imagine, so I began my own job search.

But Russ kept calling.

At first, it was about help with a resume or advice on job searching. It was sad to see a forty-year-old who had basic level resume-writing skills striving to promote all the wrong skills. For one retail job, he actually listed the fact that he wore a "Clifford The Big Red Dog suit at a children's event" before listing he had supervisory skills.

Am I illustrating how much we had in common?

Anyway, Russ called every month. Wait, did I write that in past tense? He calls every month… over two years later.

Every month, I'll receive voice mails that say, "Dude, are you watching the 5th grader show? It's hysterical." "Hey, what did you think about America's top amazing talented ____?" "Dude, can you give me a reference for being a substitute teacher? You won't believe it, they'll let me bring a portable DVD into the class to watch."

Not to sound catty (too late, huh?) but that's not exactly the type of teacher I'd like to be giving references for.

So the sad part is… he still calls. Part of me wants to point out that we weren't really friends; we just chatted due to circumstance. I know he may be lonely, but is it my problem he's still unemployed two years later?

I haven't called Russ back in almost 4 months and I believe the calls will stop eventually, but for he love of God, can you imagine what it would be like to break up with the man?

Dude, stop calling already!

Song of the day: The Gas Face by 3rd Bass

The Fragile Army

Ok. I'm losing my Web Virginity tonight: I've never posted an entry that was basically a link to something on YouTube. But this song is so INCREDIBLE I had just had to share it.

It's The Polyphonic Spree's Fragile Army from their upcoming album of the same name. I've listened to this song nonstop for the past twenty minutes.

So what did you think?

[Credit: You Ain't No Picasso]

Update: Ok. YouTube took the video down. Apparently we weren't supposed to see it yet.