Cynical Land: America's Destination For Family Fun

Looking for a fun place to spend your afternoon? Tired of taking the kids to Chuck E. Cheese's for their birthday parties? Need a destination for your next vacation? Seeking a friendly location for your church group's next outing?

Welcome to Cynical Land.

Nestled on 0.5 picturesque acres, Cynical Land is America's Destination For Family Fun™. Cynical Land offers rides and attractions similar to those found at major amusement parks at only a fraction of the price.

CLASSIC RIDES

King Arthur's Castle Of Merriment
Travel back to the days of knights and knaves. At King Arthur's Castle Of Merriment, your little ones will magically transform into little princes and princesses and battle imaginary dragons. Watch out for that fire!


Chaos Coaster
Brace yourself for this death-defying ride. You'll find yourself hurtling at speeds of up to fifteen miles per hour as you drop a breathtaking ten inches. Hang on tight!


Swiss Cheese Slide
Part slide, part obstacle course, and part clubhouse, kids will spend hours exploring every inch of the Swiss Cheese Slide.


Little Folks, Big Fun Slide
A smaller version of our popular Swiss Cheese Slide for our smaller patrons.

ADVENTURE ISLAND **NEW FOR 2006**

Mount Everest Rock Climb
Think you have what it takes to brave the treacherous heights of the Mount Everest Rock Climb? Grab the rope and find out! Warning: those with heart conditions should not attempt the Mount Everest Rock Climb.


Screaming Swings
Looking to experience heights previously unattainable to mere mortals? Do you desire something a little more daring than your usual amusement park fare? Ride the Screaming Swings!


Slippery Slide Of Terror
Hang on for dear life as you plummet nearly ten feet! A word of advice: eat your lunch after you ride the Slippery Slide Of Terror.


Screaming Swings Junior
A smaller version of our popular Screaming Swings for our smaller patrons.


Good Time Treehouse (Observation Tower)
After experiencing the rest of Adventure Island, your children might like to take a break in the Good Time Treehouse. Here, they can view the activity beneath them. On a clear day, they can see 0.25 miles away!


Mulch Pit O' Fun
Bring your pails and shovels and dig around for buried treasure. Who knows what you might find?

ADDITIONAL ATTRACTIONS

Cynical Botanical Gardens
While the kids are at play, Mom and Dad can go for a leisurely stroll and enjoy the lush landscape that surrounds Cynical Land.




Stonehenge Of America
Discovered just prior to the groundbreaking for Cynical Land, this display baffles archaeologists to this day. Is it a primitive timepiece or calendar developed by indigenous peoples? Was it created by aliens? Or just random pinecones? Take a look and decide for yourself.

PARK RULES

• Everyone three and under must be accompanied by an adult. No exceptions.
• Fighting, name-calling, and non-sharing will not be tolerated. Repeat offenders will be asked to leave immediately.
• If park closes early due to inclement weather or tantrums, no refunds will be issued.
• Alcoholic beverages, food, and coolers are permitted on the premises. No glass bottles, please.
• Have fun!
  

PARK HOURS AND ADMISSION

Admission is $10. Contact a park representative for group rates.

Park is open:
Monday - Thursday: 9:00 AM - 8:00 PM
Friday and Saturday: 9:00 AM - 10:00 PM
Sunday: 1:00 PM - 7:00 PM

Park is closed on major holidays and during naptime.

AMENITIES

Picnic Tables
Picnic tables are available on a first-come, first-served basis. Call early to reserve yours.


Parental Observation Area
Need a rest from the constant fun? Kick back in one of our luxurious chairs!


Car Rental
For only $2/hour, you can rent either our Barbie Jeep or Pink Push Cart. Perfect for tooling around the park!

ADDITIONAL PHOTOS

Franchises are available.