I Hope This Prevents Zed v. Chag

Zed came to me yesterday and issued an ultimatum.

Zed: Dad, I'm eleven months old now. Isn't it time to start writing about me more on that website of yours?
Me: I do write about you.
Zed: Whatever. I can count on one hand the number of times you've written about me.
Me: That's not true! And you can't even count!
Zed: You know what I mean. That site should be called Zoey's World.
Me: Well maybe if you did something interesting...

And then he started crying. And throwing around words like lawyers and emancipation. Christ, these kids watch way too much television.

So in the hopes of staving off a lawsuit, here's what Zed's been up to lately:

MOBILITY

After months of worrying on my behalf, Zed finally crawled on Christmas Eve. Now? He's moving around like a champ, unable to stay in one place for too long. He's begun sitting on his knees and pulling up on furniture and the steps. He's even walking a little if we hold his hands!

Unfortunately, with this increased mobility comes a new set of problems. He has a morbid fascination with power outlets, cabinets, and extension cords. He's got toys all over the floor, easily within his reach, yet he'd rather trek across the room and play with the lamp cord. Is this a guy thing? We never needed to put safety devices on our cupboards or outlets for his sister (but did anyway). [Please stop comparing me to the Golden Child.–Zed]

Diaper changes have become a major ordeal. He sits up, rolls over, spins on his head–it's like he thinks it's an amusement park ride. I'm not as fully evolved as some people, so like Matthew, I could really use a changing table with leather wrist and ankle restraints (you know, like the beds you find in a psych ward (not that I have any experience with psych wards (although I probably should))).

LANGUAGE SKILLS

Zed is still not saying much. He can say mama, dada (his favorite word), nana (his term for his grandmother), and bobble (our family's word for pacifier) in addition to the aforementioned lawyers and emancipation.

PERSONALITY

Zed loves to laugh. He is ticklish from head to toe and can emit the deepest belly laugh of any kid I've ever heard. But no one makes him laugh like his sister. He thinks she's the cat's meow. I only hope their relationship continues to blossom.

I love the way he reaches for me first thing in the morning. Ella brings him into our bedroom as I'm waking up and Zed all but jumps out of her arms trying to get to me. It's a great way to start the day.

I need to stop calling him Pooh Boy, but he's not making it easy for me to do so. Zoey cannot watch Sesame Street while he's in the room because The Count and a lot of the secondary monsters (anyone who's not Elmo, Oscar, Grover, or Cookie Monster) bring him to tears. The other afternoon while I was feeding him, he looked out the window and saw the trees blowing and started crying. He really needs to toughen up or Zoey's going to make his life h-e-l-l.

EATING HABITS

I don't think he's ever going to eat real food. We have tried to get him to eat everything: pizza, Goldfish, mashed potatoes, rice, vegetables, etc., but he acts like we've covered our offering with rat feces. He sticks out his tongue and makes god-awful faces as soon as we put it to his mouth. But he'll play with it all day if we let him! And if perchance the food makes it past his hypersensitive taste buds, he gags as if we've stuffed an entire turkey leg in his mouth. Because that's what we're feeding him: rat-feces flavored turkey drumsticks.

Who wants to come to our house for dinner?