Zed is a big boy. He came out of the womb weighing nine pounds fourteen ounces and was twenty-one and a half inches long. And he hasn't stopped growing since. At his four-month checkup, he weighed in at nineteen pounds ten ounces. I'm afraid you might see us one day on one of those Maury Povich obese baby episodes.
Because he's so big and eats so much, I decided to calculate how much he costs us per day, using this simple equation:
x = (diapers used per day) (cost per diaper) + (wipes used per day)(cost per wipe) + (grams of prepared formula used per day)(cost per gram of prepared formula)
CALCULATIONS OF CONSTANTS
(all funds are in US Target dollars)Formula
A 729g tub costs $23.45. A gram of formula costs 3.22 cents. Each one-ounce serving of prepared formula contains 4.25 g of formula, which has a cost of 13.69 cents.
Diapers
A box of 144 diapers costs $27.82. A diaper costs 19.32 cents.
Wipes
A box of 216 wipes costs $7.16 (they're sensitive wipes because Zed has sensitive skin). A wipe costs 3.31 cents.
So now our formula looks like this:
x = (diapers per day)(.1932) + (wipes per day)(.0331) + (grams of formula per day)(.1369)
CALCULATIONS OF VARIABLES
FormulaOn average, Zed eats roughly 34 ounces of prepared formula per day, four ounces at a time.
Diapers
On average, Zed has his diaper changed eighteen times a day. I know what you're thinking. Wow. Between feeding him nine times a day and changing his diaper eighteen times a day, do you have time for anything else? Nope. Just ask poor Zoey. Sometimes I wish I could tie his thing in a knot. I'll be glad when he becomes potty-trained. Of course, then we'll just be hanging out in the bathroom all day unless he learns better bladder control.
Wipes
For some reason, I use 33 wipes a day. That would mean I use almost two wipes with every diaper change, which I don't. So either the people at Pampers are screwing with me and telling me there's more wipes in a box than there actually are or Zoey is stealing them to clean her dolls when I'm not paying attention.
Now that we have our variables, we can revisit our formula:
x = (18)(.1932) + (33)(.0331) + (34)(.1369)
Solving for x, we find that Zed costs $9.22 per day. And that doesn't even include clothing (as he seems to be moving up to a new size every three weeks) or cereal or vegetables (both of which he's still trying to get a taste for). $9.22 per day. Do you know how many Christian Children's Fund kids I could sponsor for that money? Eleven and a half.
Hello. My name is Chag Holland. I am a major pop culture junkie and music lover. I like to photograph weird things. I am a conspiracy theorist and an amateur cryptozoologist. I am an avid sports fan and follow the Yankees, Panthers, and Tar Heels. I am a stay-at-home dad and have two wonderful children and one beautiful wife. I write about all this stuff.
