Whoever Designed This Toy Hates Parents
Zoey received an early Christmas present from a friend of Ella's yesterday: The Play-Doh Doggy Doctor. We're big fans of Play-Doh around here; it's fun, creative, and since we have hardwood floors, cleanup's a breeze! But this toy? Ugh.Zoey loves to play doctor, but thankfully Ella and I have been her only patients so far (unlike some children). She is constantly checking my heart, blood pressure, ears, nose, throat, and administering shots with her toy doctor kit. That's some insurance plan I've got!
So this toy would be perfect for her, right? It's got a puppy, Play-Doh, a stethoscope, first-aid kit, tweezers, and a syringe. If they could've figured out a way to throw chocolate and television into the mix, the people at Hasbro would've created kiddie crack!
And we loved playing with it today. Zoey was constantly molding Band-Aids and placing them all over the puppy and me. But when we were done, so was the fun.
I set out to clean the puppy and the doctor's utensils. When you use the syringe, Play-Doh gets stuck in the end, so you have to wait until it dries and then you have to blow it out. But the dog's even worse. There are so many nooks and crannies in the head of the dog that there's no way to get all the dried Play-Doh out of the dog unless you use battery acid. You can blow in its mouth and its ears all you want, but that stuff's stuck.
When she wasn't looking, I added this toy to the Closet of Misfit Toys (a stockpile of "emergency only" toys). Hey, it was either that or put the dog to sleep.
The Slack Update
As of this moment, we still only have lights on our tree. But did I mention we have plenty of excuses?Always Low Prices, Always A Hassle
Tonight, I went and got our groceries at Wal-Mart. I don't mind going to Wal-Mart. I mean, there's other things I would have preferred doing tonight, like watching Monday Night Football, spending time with Ella, or sleeping. Or gouging out my eyeballs with a spork while simultaneously trying to gnaw off my feet.When you go to Wal-Mart (at least the one near us), there are certain things you will experience:
- Someone getting into a fight or getting caught shoplifting.
- A broken can of baby food lying on the floor.
- Something on the baby food aisle (a can of juice, a pack of wipes, etc.) opened and used.
- No way to easily navigate the food aisles. Either it's too crowded or they're stocking the shelves. I've kept a journal of best times to go grocery shopping at Wal-Mart. My findings? 4:00 AM on a Wednesday morning and Sunday at 11:00 AM while the non-heathens are in church.
Chicks Dig Firemen
What is it about women and firemen? They realize that not all firemen are hunky, shirtless studs, right? Some are ugly, fat, or old, just like any subset of society. Some are all three. I guess it's kind of like the way men picture lesbians. In our minds, they're all saucy redheads having pillow fights (among other things) all day long. Or is that just me?Well, I found out today that a woman's fascination with firemen starts at an early age.
Normally, Zoey operates under the "What Happens In Preschool, Stays In Preschool" philosophy. But not today. As soon as Zoey entered the car, she was gushing over the firemen and the fire trucks she saw at Fire Safety Day. This continued the entire ride home.
She had two certificates in her backpack. One read, "I Know What To Do When My House Is On Fire." So I asked Zoey what she should do if our house was on fire. She told me, "Don't hide. Go outside!" And then she added, "And then you get a new house." Apparently, the fine people at Nationwide sponsored Fire Safety Day. The other certificate read, "I Know What To Do If I Am On Fire." So I asked her what she should do if she was on fire. Her reply? "Stop, drop, and rock 'n' roll." The Punk Rock Princess strikes again!
Either the people who design the fire safety courses are trying to make their material a little hipper or my daughter's getting her wires crossed somewhere along the way.
A Change Of Scenery
I'm thinking about expanding the focus of this site. I'll still be writing about the kids ninety percent of the time, but I'm thinking about doing some articles on general parenting issues (like I'm some sort of an authority or something) here and there (like I used to do at DadCentric). And maybe some stuff on pop culture. Because I'm a junkie.The One-Trick Pony
In case you didn't notice the use of the past tense of a certain verb in the previous paragraph, I've decided to stop writing for DadCentric. Life's been hectic around here lately and something had to give. I really enjoyed working with that fine crew. I wish the guys over there continued success and will remain an avid reader of the site. Cheers, mates!Make Me Laugh
You know, I really enjoy reading the comments you guys leave on this site. They are almost always funnier than the stuff you are commenting on. I often find myself thinking, "Man, I wish I had made that joke." Perhaps a few of you could come over here when I'm writing this stuff?GHS: 3 (for my daughter becoming smitten with firemen at such an early age)
