When I'm home alone with the kids during the day, I freak out when the doorbell rings. Why? Because I know it's one of two types of people:
- Someone trying to sell me something. It's doesn't matter what you're selling, I'm not going to buy it, whether it be cleaning supplies, vinyl siding, or the ever popular "Please buy magazine subscriptions from me so I can better my life and earn points toward a free vacation to Cancun." Yeah, my life would be better too with a free trip to Cancun. Now go peddle your Better Homes and Gardens somewhere else, buddy.
- A neighbor wanting to chat or something. Don't get me wrong; I like most of my neighbors. It's just that they have a tendency to drop by late in the afternoon when Zed is at his crankiest and Hurricane Zoey has been blowing through the house all day destroying the place. Plus, as a recovering misanthrope, I'm still learning the fine art of small talk. I'm not one to talk about the weather. Actually, if it weren't for the topics of sports and kids, I probably wouldn't be able to converse with them at all.
School had started today and we all know how schools love to send little ones out door-to-door hawking trinkets so that they can attend a "pizza party" or some such nonsense. In fact, last year Zoey's preschool sent home discount books for area restaurants on the first week of school for the children to sell. Zoey was two! Was she really expected to go door-to-door trying to get $25 from the neighbors? Maybe this year they can make all the kids work in a benefit carwash. Or just forego the niceties and open a sweatshop.
So the girls lifted up a bucket and asked me, "Would you like to buy some shells?" You see, they had a bucket full of seashells and were going door-to-door asking people if they wanted to buy some. Mind you, these weren't even cool shells; just the flotsam and jetsam that causes you to scream out in pain when you're trying to get from the ocean to your towel. I replied, "No thanks. We have enough shells." I give 'em an A for their entrepreneurial ambitions, though. They wanted me to pay them for the junk they found at the beach.
And speaking of paying for junk...
We had a yard sale this past weekend. You have to love the whole concept behind a yard sale: "We don't want this crap anymore. Instead of putting it out to the curb for the garbage man, we'll put it in our front yard and charge people to take it. Brilliant!"
Zoey set up a lemonade stand during our yard sale. At first, she was extremely timid. When our first customer came, Ella told Zoey to go up to him and ask him if he wanted any lemonade. Zoey stood behind Ella the whole time, hiding behind her legs, not saying a word. But by the time the fourth or fifth customer came rolling in, she could be found bellowing, "DOES ANYBODY WANT SOME LEMONADE?"
The kid wanted to make some cash. Maybe she could've sold those discount books after all.
Hello. My name is Chag Holland. I am a major pop culture junkie and music lover. I like to photograph weird things. I am a conspiracy theorist and an amateur cryptozoologist. I am an avid sports fan and follow the Yankees, Panthers, and Tar Heels. I am a stay-at-home dad and have two wonderful children and one beautiful wife. I write about all this stuff.
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